«The thought journey is a tool that helps us»
Health coach and midwife Anna Walbersdorf, 47, lives in Basel with her partner Frank Becker, 47, and their two sons Arthur, 8, and Karl, 7. When Frank's son Jonathan, 14, comes to visit, the patchwork family is complete.
My first-born son Arthur has always been very sensitive and needed a lot of physical contact and closeness to be able to regulate himself and fall asleep. This was very different to his little brother Karl, who was able to sleep well right from the start. When the children were still very small, we all slept in the family bed. The brothers now have their own room, but still sleep together in one bed. While little Karl fell asleep without any problems, Arthur, aged between three and six, often lay awake for a long time in the evening and needed me to be close to him in order to fall asleep. Several times a week, I would spend up to an hour and a half in the cot until he finally fell asleep.
Over time, the long bedtimes exhausted me.
Anna, Mother
At first, I was able to cope with it. I simply felt that my son needed me and I also enjoyed the cuddling and closeness. Over time, however, the long bedtimes exhausted me. It wasn't unusual for me to fall asleep in the nursery and then only wake up in the middle of the night to go back to my parents' bedroom.
Relocation and perimenopause
But things got really bad last year. Several things came together: We moved from the village back to the city. Moving is stressful in itself. The children changed schools. That meant new and larger classes, new teachers and a new environment. What's more, everything is a bit louder and more hectic in the city. This caused a lot of unrest, which unfortunately also had an unfavourable effect on Arthur's sleep problems.
In addition, the perimenopause was clearly noticeable for me. I felt thinner-skinned and had even fewer resources available to absorb it all. I became increasingly impatient and the evenings when everything became too much for me started to become more frequent. As a result, I let the children feel my frustration and exhaustion more and more. All in all, it was a very unpleasant and stressful development.
I felt that I had to get back on track first, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to help my child at all. It was always easy for me to understand why Arthur was struggling with the new situation, and I also realised that he was becoming increasingly frustrated and exhausted.
The boys love the journey of thought
One evening, when things were particularly bad again, I went back into myself in great despair and thought about what would help me to calm down in that moment. And that's when I remembered the thought journey, a relaxation tool that I used a lot in antenatal classes. I immediately tried it out with the children.
To do this, you go to a beautiful place in your mind, such as the forest or the beach, perceive your body with all your senses, pay attention to your breathing and relax more and more. It worked really well - almost like magic. The boys love these fantasy journeys and Arthur usually falls asleep while I'm still leading the relaxation. Sometimes it takes a little longer, but overall we've found the mind journey to be a tool that really helps us all.
