What should you do if your son no longer likes playing the cello?

Cédric and Claudia think that playing an instrument is part of a general education. Now their son no longer wants to practise. Should he stop or force him to keep at it? That's what our team of experts says.

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One question - three opinions

Our son, 13, has been playing the cello for three years. At first he was quite motivated, but for the past six months he has lost interest. The next term's fee for private lessons is due soon. Quitting is not an option; our son knows that he has to practise until he is 16. After that, he can decide for himself whether to quit or continue. Our argument is that learning a musical instrument is part of general education. Do you agree?

Cédric, 43, and Claudia, 44, Aarwangen

That's what our team of experts says:

Anette Cina
Annette Cina
It's not always easy to stick with something. We have all had to learn this. However, perseverance is sometimes important, but sometimes harmful. Ask yourself: Why has your son lost interest? Too little time? Other interests? What learning experiences would you like to pass on to your son? Persevering despite difficulties only makes sense if a child has learnt too little that effort is worthwhile and that a goal can be achieved. However, if something has to be done reluctantly over a long period of time, without self-interest, fascination rarely develops. These experiences tend to lead to rejection rather than further development.
Andrea Jansen
Andrea Jansen
I boycotted music lessons from year one and can't even play the recorder. No, I don't agree with you. I am convinced that learning is intrinsic and should arise from a need. Sometimes you have to push yourself, but even that should be voluntary and not forced, at most with conviction. With your attitude, you are restricting your son's autonomy and depriving him of the opportunity to make a decision that he may one day regret. Or not.
Peter Schneider
Peter Schneider
No. It's nice to be able to play an instrument, and it's good to be able to read music and know your way around music, but that should already be achieved after three years with the cello. Think seriously about what bad things will happen if he stops making music now. (If I may guess: nothing.) Perhaps in later years your son will want to start playing the cello again. The likelihood of this happening seems greater to me if he is allowed to give free rein to his disinterest now.


The team of experts:

  • Annette Cina, 52, works at the Institute for Family Research and Counselling at the University of Freiburg. In her own practice, the psychologist, psychotherapist and mother of three counsels young people and adults. Her research focuses on the prevention of child behavioural disorders, couple conflicts, parenting and stress.
  • Andrea Jansen, 44, is the founder of the parenting platform Mal-ehrlich.ch. The journalist, entrepreneur and foundation board member was previously a television presenter and producer at SRF. Andrea Jansen has three children aged 7, 9 and 11. She lives with her family in Hawaii and Zurich.
  • Peter Schneider, 67, is a psychoanalyst and author. He was Professor of Developmental and Educational Psychology at the University of Bremen from 2014 to 2017 and has been a private lecturer in Clinical Psychology at the University of Zurich since 2014. Peter Schneider is the father of an adult son and lives with his wife in Zurich.
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