Help, our daughter doesn't like showering!

Pre-puberty sends its regards: Some twelve-year-olds shower voluntarily, others stubbornly refuse. What should you do if your child belongs to the second group? Our team of experts knows what to do.

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One question - three opinions

Our daughter, 12, doesn't like showering. She says her hair gets unruly if she washes it too often and that she can clean the rest with a flannel. I fear that she will become an outsider when she reaches puberty and her body odour will become more intense because she will look unkempt or stink. Can I force her to shower?

Barbara, 47, Näfels

That's what our team of experts says:

Anette Cina
Annette Cina
While some children and teenagers can hardly get out of the bathroom, others can hardly get in. It's not that unusual. Reasons for not wanting to wash are rarely specific things such as unruly hair. Rather: It's a chore. It's useless. It's just a waste of time. You can't force your daughter to do it, but you can set the framework. It's not so much a question of if, but when and how. Agree together how often she should shower and how often her hair should be washed. A great care product helps against stubborn hair. And: this phase will pass. At the latest when your daughter wants to please others.
Andrea Jansen
Andrea Jansen
You have my sympathy. I've already promised my son, also 12, extra gaming time in the shower, threatened him with a gaming ban, embarrassed him and brought his future, as yet non-existent girlfriend into the game and demonstratively turned away when he came into the room. Admittedly: These are rather questionable educational methods. They didn't help at all. The little prepubescent stinkers just don't want to shower! As you can see, I'm at a bit of a loss. My tip: close your nose and go for it.
Peter Schneider
Peter Schneider
If I were Dr House, I'd guess rabies, because it goes hand in hand with a severe water allergy - I'm joking. No, you can't force your daughter. But if she has a tendency towards stronger-smelling vapours, you can confidently point this out to her (in a nice tone of course). If that doesn't help, she'll just have to overcome her aversion to water in a more unpleasant way - classmates are often less squeamish in this respect. What would your daughter actually think of a fragrant bath?


The team of experts:

  • Annette Cina, 52, works at the Institute for Family Research and Counselling at the University of Freiburg. In her own practice, the psychologist, psychotherapist and mother of three counsels young people and adults. Her research focuses on the prevention of child behavioural disorders, couple conflicts, parenting and stress.
  • Andrea Jansen, 44, is the founder of the parenting platform Mal-ehrlich.ch. The journalist, entrepreneur and foundation board member was previously a television presenter and producer at SRF. Andrea Jansen has three children aged 7, 9 and 12. She lives with her family in Hawaii and Zurich.
  • Peter Schneider, 67, is a psychoanalyst and author. He was Professor of Developmental and Educational Psychology at the University of Bremen from 2014 to 2017 and has been a private lecturer in Clinical Psychology at the University of Zurich since 2014. Peter Schneider is the father of an adult son and lives with his wife in Zurich.
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