Picky eating: When children don't want to try anything

We've all been there: «Ewww!», «Disgusting!», «I don't like that!», «I want something else!». Almost half of all parents go through a phase with their children in which the offspring are very fussy. «It'll get better», reassure other families for whom the toddler years were a while ago.

And indeed, most children's taste horizons expand again in the course of their primary school years. But not all of them ... Around eight per cent of schoolchildren are and remain so-called picky eaters. This term describes people who only like very few foods and approach new foods with scepticism or even fear. They don't want to try anything unfamiliar and are often very sensitive about the texture or consistency of their food. If something tastes even slightly different to what they are used to, they reject it in disgust.

Tricky children - stressed parents

According to current research, such picky eating behaviour is the result of an interplay between genes, prenatal and early childhood influences and later experiences relating to food, although genetic predisposition plays the biggest role. Studies also show that picky eating is more common in children with autism spectrum disorder or ADHD.

When children prefer to eat only pasta, toast, chicken nuggets and chips and give vegetables a wide berth, parents come under pressure. The social dictate that children must eat a healthy diet at all costs and that «good parents» must ensure a balanced diet is omnipresent. From the «five a day» rule for fruit and vegetables to guidelines on what is acceptable as a snack in kindergarten and school: Today, we parents know exactly what is expected of us in terms of nutrition.

But what if your own child doesn't go along with all this? Then the mental cinema kicks in: What if the child doesn't grow properly, develops deficiency symptoms, becomes overweight or underweight or its immune system suffers from the unbalanced diet?

This is when cosy family meals turn into a battle zone. Parents are soon fighting over every pea and every slice of apple, talking their child into it, urging them to try it, reproaching them for making such an effort when cooking or threatening them with the consequences of poor nutrition.

Pressure fuels picky eating

A vicious circle soon develops: the child registers the tension and becomes stressed itself, which makes it even more cautious and anxious - perhaps it no longer wants to come to the table at all over time. The child's hesitant, avoidant or defensive behaviour when eating only irritates the parents even more and tempts them to exert additional coercion, control and pressure.

Pressure, control, rewards with desserts or sweets, constant requests to try things or being forced to eat something all fuel picky eating.

All of this is perfectly understandable, but it often exacerbates the problem. Various studies show that pressure, control, rewards with desserts or sweets, constant requests to try something or being forced to eat something can fuel picky eating and sometimes lead to a lifelong aversion to certain foods.

Unfortunately, there are no tips and tricks that can be used to change the eating behaviour of fussy children in the blink of an eye. However, there are five effective ways that have been proven to reduce picky eating in the long term.

1. a relaxed atmosphere at the dining table

The most important goal as parents of tricky children should be to make eating a cosy, relaxed moment (again) where the family comes together. In order to achieve this, it can be helpful to first get medical reassurance that the child does not have any deficiency symptoms despite their current eating behaviour, is not slipping into an eating disorder and does not have any problematic growth or weight development. With this reassurance in mind, it is often easier to let go yourself.

You can also use the concept of sharing responsibility for meals developed by nutrition specialist Ellyn Satter back in 1986, which has proved very successful with Picky Eating: Parents decide when and where to eat and what to cook; the child decides if, from what and how much to eat. Make sure that you offer at least one ingredient at each meal that the child can easily accept. Otherwise, cook in such a way that it is harmonious for the whole family.

2. familiarisation helps

Children are more likely to try certain foods if they see them very often over a short period of time. Parents can, for example, give their child a small bowl of mixed nuts in addition to their usual snack for two or three weeks without comment and pack it for the break at school. Every day, it becomes a little more likely that the child will become more curious, get used to the sight of the nuts and perhaps even reach for them.

3. cooking together reduces anxiety

Handling different foods, feeling their consistency and smelling them has been proven to reduce the fears and scepticism typical of picky eaters. Important: However, do not force your child to cook or taste.

Don't let the sauce run over the pasta or the mashed potatoes touch the meat!

4. offer ingredients individually

Most picky eaters like to eat their food in individual components. Don't let the sauce run over the pasta or the mashed potatoes touch the meat! Individual pots or bowls that the child can scoop from invite them to try things out without putting pressure on them. In some families, fondue chinoise plates with different compartments have also proved successful so that dishes do not mix.

5. children learn from the model

Parents of fussy children often limit their culinary choices over time, as they don't want to cook for the bucket! However, when children see siblings or parents eating certain foods with relish, they repeatedly receive the message: «This food is safe and can be eaten.»

Book tip

Fabian Grolimund and Stefanie Rietzler: «Won't you at least give it a try?» Hogrefe 2024, 56 pages, 22 Fr., age recommendation: 3 to 6 years