Our sons no longer want to go on family outings

Squabbling at the weekend: The parents want to go on outings together, the two sons, 7 and 9, would rather spend time with their friends. That's what our team of experts says.

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One question - three opinions

We would like to do something with our sons - they are 7 and 9 years old - at the weekend. However, they prefer to spend their time with friends. As the atmosphere is usually good when we are out and about together, we insist on these family outings. We think it's important for our relationship with our children to spend time together. How do you see it?

Andrea, 43, Chur

This is what our team of experts says:

Annette Cina
Doing something with friends or missing out on something often leads to children reacting with little motivation to activities with the family. However, if these are combined with a good atmosphere, then the outings fulfil their purpose: to be able to meet and experience each other in a relaxed and different setting - instead of just in everyday life between work, school and homework ... Enjoy this as long as it is possible. It can help if you discuss with your sons which days you are going to do something as a family. Involve your children in the planning. Important events with friends can then also be taken into account.
Nicole Althaus
Family time is important, especially when the mood is good. So keep doing things together at the weekends. You can certainly entice the sons if they can decide where the family outing takes them, for example to the rope park. Maybe you don't have to spend four weekends a month as a family. I would give the sons the freedom to plan something with friends every now and then. Then you as parents have time for yourself. Couple time should not be underestimated either!
Peter Schneider
Firstly, you can take your friends on family outings. Secondly, you can expect your sons to make the family sacrifice, especially as it obviously doesn't come out too badly. However, you have to allow for any resentment against family turks that may arise later. Thirdly, you practise family togetherness not as an alternative to spending time with friends, but as a complement. Fourthly, you mix up the variants in a colourful way. To be honest - that's all I can say.


The team of experts:

  • Annette Cina, 51, works at the Institute for Family Research and Counselling at the University of Freiburg. In her own practice, the psychologist, psychotherapist and mother of three counsels young people and adults. Her research focuses on the prevention of child behavioural disorders, couple conflicts, parenting and stress.
  • Peter Schneider, 66, is a psychoanalyst, columnist and satirist. He used to be a professor of educational and developmental psychology at the University of Bremen and is still a private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich. Father and husband of an adult son and an adult wife from and in his first marriage.
  • Nicole Althaus, 54, is editor-in-chief of magazines and a member of the editorial board of «NZZ am Sonntag», columnist and author. She initiated the mum blog on tagesanzeiger.ch and was editor-in-chief of «Wir Eltern». Nicole Althaus is the mother of two grown-up children.
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