«Most children are beaten due to excessive demands»

Mrs Baruch, what forms of domestic violence are children and young people confronted with?

Jenny Baruch: We school social workers encounter the whole spectrum of physical violence in the course of our work: from the most socially accepted slaps to massive abuse. This also applies to psychological violence such as verbal humiliation or ignoring a child for days on end.

Studies such as the one conducted by the University of Fribourg, which was commissioned by Child Protection Switzerland, show that one in 20 children in this country regularly experiences physical violence and even one in four psychological violence. My guess is that the number of unreported cases is significantly higher.

At what point can parental behaviour be described as violence?

Jenny Baruch: It's difficult to say and depends on the definition. There are cases where it is quite clear, usually in cases of frequent or severe physical violence. But then a lot has already happened. However, violence starts much earlier and also depends on the subjective perception of the child and the quality of the relationship between parents and child. For example, not all children develop psychological distress if their parents have high expectations of their performance at school, but some do.

Madleina Brunner Thiam: In principle, any behaviour that violates a child's dignity should be classified as violence.

Ms Brunner Thiam, you are co-executive director of the non-governmental organisation NCBI, which campaigns for a non-violent upbringing, among other things, and co-project manager of the «No Homes» programme. What is the programme about?

Madleina Brunner Thiam: We are usually asked by schools to visit one or more of their classes. We spend a morning working with the pupils as part of a workshop. They then expand on what they have experienced by presenting it to other classes and their parents in the form of a film, a poem or a rap.

And this morning you are talking about violence against children and young people?

Madleina Brunner Thiam: We talk to the pupils about punishments, as this term is clearer for the children and they are better able to give examples. We ask them, for example: What kind of punishments do you know? What do you think makes sense, do we need punishments in education at all?

If you manage to talk to these parents without guilt or shame, you can achieve a lot.

Madleina Brunner Thiam, Social Worker

Many children affected by violence only realise during this workshop that what they experience at home is not okay. For example, that their classmates are not beaten when they come home with a bad mark. But then they also learn about children's rights and find out how and where they can get help for themselves or their friends.

In a survey conducted by the University of Freiburg, more than 90 per cent of parents questioned were in favour of a legal ban on violence in parenting. How does this willingness fit in with the high levels of physical and psychological violence against children?

Madleina Brunner Thiam: Parents who are in favour of enshrining the right to a non-violent upbringing in law, but who nevertheless use physical or psychological violence in some form, do not do so because they are convinced that it is right. They know that their behaviour is not good for their child and is therefore wrong, but it happens to them anyway. Because they don't know how to help themselves in stressful situations, because they themselves experienced violence in their childhood and so on. If you manage to talk to these parents without guilt and shame, you can achieve a lot.

Jenny Baruch: Children also need to be sensitised to this: Violence is never a good idea, but no one is free from mistakes. Children have a right not to be beaten, but that doesn't mean that they have bad parents per se if they become violent, but that they simply (hopefully) don't have the best skills yet - in other words, in children's language: they haven't had any really good ideas yet.

We help them to realise that they can be critical of this behaviour and get help. It is usually the case that the children know very well why their parents are behaving in this way: «Ah yes, my parents used to do this at home when I was a child» or «Yes, it happens because they are stressed at the moment».

How do you approach a child who you suspect is experiencing violence?

Jenny Baruch: No two cases are the same and each one requires individual strategies for action, I would like to emphasise that at this point. But I always seek dialogue and try to assess the extent of the violence and how acute and serious the danger is. It is always relevant how much the child is suffering.

The option of working together with the parents is always the first choice.

Jenny Baruch, school social worker

The aim can only be to improve the situation for the child and to get the parents on board and help them to develop skills and thus remedy the situation. Transparency towards the child is very important here: «Look, this is now too big for me too, I want to talk to a certain person about it, can I give your name or not for now?» Or actually informing them that reporting is now unavoidable and that they are leaving the voluntary framework.

And how do you talk to the parents?

Jenny Baruch: Of course, this varies from case to case: it can make sense not to address the issue of violence in parenting immediately, to show understanding for the difficult parenting situation and to try to lead the parents to the point where they name the violence themselves. If you manage to create an atmosphere in which mums and dads don't feel accused or guilty, things usually go better. I then have the opportunity to educate them about the harmful consequences of violence and the options for getting support.

And what if parents don't want to co-operate because they consider corporal punishment to be a legitimate educational tool, for example?

Jenny Baruch: At a certain point, I am obliged to report the case, which does happen. But the option of working with the parents is always the first choice.

Another article on the topic:

What are the consequences of violence in parenting - both physical and psychological?

Jenny Baruch: It definitely has an impact on the relationship between child and parent. It's a decision that parents make: do I want to have a trusting, loving and empowering relationship or a damaging fearful relationship with my child? The adults are responsible for this.

Many children who experience physical violence feel that it is their own fault.

Jenny Baruch, school social worker

Madleina Brunner Thiam: We know from research that violence in childhood has a massive influence on the development of addiction in adolescence or adulthood. If I grow up in a climate where I am afraid and am not allowed to talk about it - which parents often demand of their children - then I have to find other strategies to deal with my negative feelings. Children who are beaten are much more likely to later use violence themselves than people whose childhood was largely free of violence. And violence at home has an impact on school performance: fear causes stress and a stressed brain cannot learn well.

Jenny Baruch: Many children who experience physical violence feel that it is their own fault. It happens when I do something wrong, when I make a mistake. I then always ask the question: Are there any children or people who don't make mistakes? The danger is that children internalise this: My behaviour is responsible for the violence I experience and that has a direct impact on their self-esteem. Here we have the link to addiction again.

According to statistics, younger children are more likely to be affected by domestic violence, what other risk factors are there?

Madleina Brunner Thiam: Children whose parents are under a great deal of stress due to addiction, unemployment, money worries, mental illness or couple conflicts are often at risk. Children of mothers and fathers who may have experienced violence themselves as a child and are now passing on what they experienced. Patriarchal structures play a major role, and by that I don't just mean families with a migration background, but also Swiss families who live by very strict values, such as free church members.

Violence at home has an impact on academic performance: anxiety causes stress and a stressed brain cannot learn well.

Madleina Brunner Thiam, Social Worker

Jenny Baruch: Children who are very challenging in their behaviour in everyday parenting are also more at risk, such as children with ADHD, oppositional behavioural disorder or learning disorders, virtually all mental illnesses where parents often feel powerless or incompetent in parenting. Trauma can also lead to physical violence.

How can you recognise a child who is experiencing domestic violence?

Jenny Baruch: That's difficult, because children react very individually to these experiences, some externalising, for example with aggression and violent behaviour at school, others internalising by withdrawing into themselves and considering themselves worthless, and others reacting in a way that we don't even recognise.

You can become suspicious if a child reacts strongly to performance requirements or anxiously if contact is to be made with the parents regarding performance or misbehaviour. But of course you have to be careful, there are children who react to school performance expectations simply because of their anxious personality - without any pressure being exerted by the parents.

Madleina Brunner Thiam: We often find that teachers are quite surprised by statements from certain children who they would never have thought would experience violence.

Jenny Baruch: It is simply important that we adults, whether parents or professionals who work with children, are made aware of this issue and are therefore better able to recognise and react to conspicuous behaviour.

Let's say my child tells me about a colleague who is being beaten by their parents. But at the same time demands a promise not to say anything to anyone. What is the right behaviour for me as a mother?

Madleina Brunner Thiam: If you encourage your child to talk about it with the child concerned, you've already done a lot. If you know the mum or dad, you can approach them and try to find an initial topic: «This school stress is just tedious, there are just far too many tests, don't you think?» Another option would be to inform school social work, but of course it would be best if your own child can encourage the other to get help.