Teacher Ursula Kotecha, 49, lives with her husband Martin, 59, an IT security consultant, and their daughter Sofie, 9, in the canton of Aargau. Martin's three adult children visit regularly. Ursula used to think her parents were old-fashioned. Now that she is a mother herself, she realises that she wants to pass on their values.
My father was Indian, my mother comes from the Appenzell region. That was unusual in the 1980s, when I was growing up. My father stood out visually and was therefore the centre of attention. He didn't want to do anything wrong, was always very proper and followed all the rules. I've adopted that attitude.
Of course, it wouldn't be a big deal if I parked illegally or something like that. But I'm afraid that someone might say, «Typical foreigner!» and I don't want to hear that. I also insist that my daughter follow the rules – in public, but also at home.
Punctuality, decency and reliability are values that annoyed me as a teenager. I laughed at how old-fashioned my parents were. But now, as a mother, I have automatically adopted these values. I never thought I would turn out like my father – but that's just how it is for me!
I wish my husband would be a little less casual about parenting. He says, «My three older children turned out fine, so whatever I'm doing must be right.» That's true. And yet I see things differently and take on the role of the strict one.
There is no influence from my parents that I would like to get rid of.
My parents taught me that I am good just the way I am. They didn't expect me to be the best, the most beautiful or the fastest. Even today, my mother says to my daughter, who wants to be a hairdresser: «Go for it! Every job is important. If you do it with pride, everything will be fine.» Not everyone has to go to grammar school – even if they could.
I have also adopted my parents' transparent communication style. As a culturally mixed couple, they had to discuss many things. They spoke plainly so that there would be fewer misunderstandings.
There is nothing about my parents that I would like to get rid of. Rather, I find it a shame that I did not inherit another of their abilities: making decisions. I often waver between yes and no for a long time. My parents made decisions and were then happy with them.
