«Having your period at the swimming pool – it's so embarrassing»

«Why don't you ask Sarah?»

When I'm on my period and we go to the swimming pool for PE, I feel really uncomfortable. I'm embarrassed to go into the water like that. But I don't want to say I'm on my period either. That's why I always say I've got a stomach ache. Now my PE teacher doesn't believe me anymore.
Annika, 14

Dear Annika
I can certainly understand why you feel embarrassed about your period. Although I'm sure you've covered the topic of sex education at school, including how children develop into women or men, many teenagers find it very awkward to talk openly about these things.

Even so, I'd like to tell you that you should realise that absolutely every girl gets her period, and every woman menstruates about once a month for decades on end. And boys and men know too that we women have our periods.

Menstruation really shouldn't be a secret, nor should it be something to be ashamed of.

Even though this idea may be new and still feel very strange to you, the fact is that something which EVERYONE knows about – and which directly affects 51 per cent of the human race – can't really be a secret, nor can it be something embarrassing.

Swimming whilst on your period

Even so, I do understand, of course, that you don't feel comfortable enough to go for a swim whilst you've got your period. Most girls feel the same way – you're certainly not the only one who doesn't take part in swimming lessons because of their period.

Although there are a few interesting facts on the subject.

• Swimming whilst on your period is neither unhygienic nor dangerous. Many girls have concerns, but with the right products – such as tampons – it is very unlikely that menstrual blood will get into the water.
• Water pressure can reduce blood flow whilst swimming, but it does not necessarily stop your period. As soon as you get out of the water, your blood flow returns to normal.

Alternatives to swimming lessons

In many schools, the rule is that you are not allowed to go in the swimming pool whilst on your period, but must take part in another sporting activity instead. Simply calling in «sick» is therefore not entirely correct, as you are not actually ill, but merely feel unwell enough to be unable to swim.

It's very helpful here to let your PE teacher know clearly that you've got your period. Your teacher can give you a different physical activity to do whilst your classmates are in the swimming pool.

If, contrary to expectations, this approach is not met with understanding, you should ask your parents to write a note of apology and make sure you have it with you first thing in the morning.

Talking about difficult topics

Dear Annika, having dealt with many young people and teachers over the years, I'm afraid I know that particularly shy young people aren't always treated with respect. People often say: «She should just come and talk to me and tell me what's wrong!». As if it were that simple!

In such cases, I always recommend that the young person, together with their parents, should seek a meeting with the teacher concerned (or the form tutor). This often helps to defuse the situation, and it is then more readily accepted.

Shyness is not a flaw, but a personality trait.

Of course, you too should learn, over time , to become increasingly confident about talking about difficult topics. But as I said: «Over time…» – that does take time, sometimes years.

Please never feel ashamed that you might be shyer than others: shyness isn't a flaw, but an innate personality trait. Perhaps your mum or dad is rather shy too.

However, people who are shy often also have rather low self-confidence. Self-confidence means: «I believe I can do this! I can cope with a new or difficult situation! I'm good enough!» If you recognise yourself in this – if you don't (yet) have this self-confidence – then you could work on it. There are many ways to do this.

Boosting self-confidence

One of these would be to start a «success journal»: take a blank book and, starting today, write down the good things you experience every day. This could be: praise from your parents, a friendly smile from a classmate, a compliment, a «thank you», or even something you've done particularly well, such as a lovely drawing, or something that's simply made you feel good: a warm bath, a walk, great music.

Over time, your success journal will fill up with positive things. As you look through it, you'll realise that you regularly receive positive feedback from others and have your own successes to record. This realisation will gradually boost your self-confidence – and then, over time, it will also become easier to call out unpleasant things for what they are.