«I always get bored in restaurants!»

«Why don't you ask Sarah?»

My parents often take me and my brother out to restaurants. Sometimes my parents’ friends come along too. It's always been like this, but lately I just don't want to do it anymore. That's because we kids are never allowed to use our mobile phones. My parents don't understand how boring and exhausting that is. What can I do?
Alexander, 14

Dear Alexander 
On the one hand, it sounds great that your family can go to restaurants often. Not only do you and your brother get to choose good food and drinks (which I'm just assuming), but also that through your frequent restaurant visits you've learnt how to order a meal and how to behave with «good manners» at the table.

These skills might come in handy later on: for example, if you ever go on a date with a young woman or attend a team lunch for work. Then you certainly won't have to worry about which fork to pick up first, where to place your napkin, or what the proper table manners are. But that's probably still a few years away.

Many parents are unaware that they do not involve their children in conversation during mealtimes.

But now let's turn to the downsides you mention: boredom and the effort involved. For you as a teenager, hours of conversation between adults at the table are probably not particularly appealing. They might become so, though, if you were able and willing to join in the discussions. This, in turn, depends partly on the topic being discussed: are you perhaps interested in sport or politics, nature or social issues, music or art – or something completely different?

On the other hand, it also matters whether you, as a son, are included in the adults’ conversation at all. Do they ask you for your own opinion or experience? I know many parents who aren't at all aware that they don't include their children in the conversation at mealtimes. Instead, they talk non-stop about their own affairs. Yet it would be a great benefit to hear the views of you young people and to talk to you about all the exciting things in life.

When the children then complain that they'd rather go home or check their mobile phones, some parents react irritably rather than sympathetically. It's a shame, because instead of the children having to get bored, it would be much more interesting to have a discussion together.

Tips for beating boredom in a restaurant

That's why I'd like to encourage you, dear Alexander, to suggest a few topics to your parents before your next visit to a restaurant – things you'd like to discuss with them. So why not make a list on your mobile of all the topics that spring to mind and that you find at least somewhat interesting?

Next time you go to a restaurant, why not surprise your parents with some of the topics you've been thinking about? Why not ask them straight out what they think about these topics? Perhaps there are some current affairs stories they've picked up from the news or the paper that they can tell you about.

By taking the initiative yourself, you can steer the conversation away from annoying questions like, «How's school going?» If they do ask, I'd suggest telling the person what you like to do in your free time. Most teenagers much prefer talking about that than talking about school.

But if you really don't feel like joining in the discussion, there are other options:

• Take a game with you that you can play with your brother. UNO, for example. It's compact and you can play it fairly quietly without disturbing anyone.
• Take a few printed puzzles with you: Sudoku, word puzzles, logic puzzles. All you need is a pen to write with. It helps pass the time more quickly; plus, you can solve the puzzles on your own.
• Take two blank sheets of paper and two pens with you. You can use them to play «City, Country, River» with your brother. You can come up with all sorts of categories: car makes, food and drink, sports, celebrities, etc.

Talk to your parents

And finally, I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to your parents about why you're no longer keen to go along on these restaurant trips. Please explain as clearly as possible what bothers you about them and what you'd like to see happen. It's possible that you won't have to go along every time in future. But it's equally possible that they'll continue to insist on your participation. In that case, I hope for your sake that they take your concerns seriously and offer you some suggestions for a solution.