Children copy their parents' body image
Mum! We were the fastest on the slide!», my child cheers, grabbing my hand as we climb out of the water slide's landing pool together. «Do you know why? Because you're the heaviest person in the whole swimming pool!»
For a millisecond, I flinch inwardly – and immediately feel annoyed with myself for doing so. My teenage years coincided with a time when size zero was considered the ideal of beauty, female celebrities were labelled «fat» for the slightest bit of skin above their hipster jeans, and magazines referred to cellulite as «thigh shame». All of this left its mark on me too.
Today, I find these images of women toxic, and I find it easy to appreciate the appearance and body shapes of other people in all their diversity. However, when the focus shifts to my own figure, I sometimes still feel a vague sense of unease.
Why does childhood fascination with one's own body eventually turn into critical self-reflection for so many of us?
I look at my child. There is so much enthusiasm in his face, so much joy in his voice. He happily hops back to the stairs that lead back to the slide. I remember how, after eating, he sometimes proudly sticks out his tummy, strokes it affectionately and says with a grin, «Look how full and round my tummy is now!»
And suddenly I ask myself: how can it be that young children view their bodies so positively – and why does this fascination with the human body eventually turn into critical self-reflection for so many of us?
Your own body – friend or foe?
Admittedly, I hardly know any women or mothers who are truly satisfied with their figures. In a study conducted by nutritionist Ofra Duchin, 73 per cent of mothers of schoolchildren stated that they were dissatisfied with their bodies and wished they had a different shape.
According to an international study, 20 per cent of women would even be willing to voluntarily shorten their lives by five years in order to conform to their ideal of beauty. If we only consider 18- to 24-year-olds, the figure rises to half! According to research, this dissatisfaction with our own bodies makes us more susceptible to anxiety, depression and eating disorders – and reduces our quality of life.
And it affects our children. We want to teach them how to treat their bodies in a healthy way! By encouraging them to be proud of who they are. By making sure they eat a balanced diet and knowing that we should not judge their bodies or eating habits. And by talking to them about unrealistic «role models» on social media.
Study reveals clear patterns
But – what about ourselves?
A study conducted by Anika Bauer at the University of Osnabrück (Germany) shows just how important this question is. The study examined 41 teenage girls with an average age of 16 and their mothers. All participants were asked to name three areas of their bodies that they found attractive or unattractive. Each woman was then shown a full-body photo of herself while an eye-tracking camera recorded where her gaze wandered.
The result: mothers and daughters viewed themselves in remarkably similar ways. If a mother quickly focused her gaze on perceived problem areas and lingered there, her daughter was more likely than average to do the same when looking at her own photo. For example , a mother who viewed her thighs or stomach critically was particularly likely to have a daughter who also fixated on her own supposedly unattractive body parts.
Self-acceptance grows when we regularly listen to our bodies.
This suggests that children also learn from their parents or same-sex parent how to perceive their own bodies – whether to view them with loving acceptance and focus on the positive, or to critically scrutinise every perceived flaw.
But what can we do when we realise that we ourselves are constantly struggling with our figure? Here are five strategies from psychological research:
1. Small moments of mindfulness
Self-acceptance grows when we regularly listen to our bodies. A quick body scan can help: we sit or lie down, close our eyes, pay attention to our breathing and where it moves our body. Then we gradually focus our attention on individual areas of the body: from the toes to the crown of the head. All sensations and thoughts are allowed. We let distractions pass by and keep bringing our focus back to the respective part of the body.
2. Movement with a constructive focus
Studies show that people who exercise to «burn calories» or «get in shape» are more likely to feel shame and disgust towards their own bodies. On the other hand, people who associate exercise with enjoyment and see it as something that is good for their body and health strengthen their body image in the long term.
3. More compassion for ourselves
When our inner critic becomes loud again, we can consciously counter it with a loving, accepting inner voice: «You are feeling uncomfortable right now. You are not alone in this. What would you say to a loved one in this situation?»
A view through a child's eyes: Wow, Mummy, you've got really cool tiger stripes!
4. Adjust your own media consumption
The more often people are confronted with supposedly perfect appearances, the more dissatisfied they tend to become with themselves. We would do well to critically examine which programmes, magazines or social media personalities leave us feeling inadequate – and then consistently weed them out.
5. Practise gratitude
Our body image becomes more positive when we realise what our body does for us every day: «These legs carry me through the day,» «My children grew in this belly,» «This breast fed her for months,» "These laugh lines are evidence of happy moments."
And perhaps we could look at ourselves through our children's eyes more often: the daughter of a friend recently discovered «the cool tiger stripes» on her mother's hips. And my child once said that my caesarean scar looked like a smiling mouth – «... probably because you were so happy that I was born!»
