How children develop a healthy body image
Ever since I became a mum to a daughter, I've wanted to equip her with a superpower that would later directly dispel any self-doubt about her appearance. Because she is growing up in a world that is full of images of standardised, thin girls.
It starts at pre-school age. When my daughter and I watch series or films together, we have the choice between barbie-like fairy girls in «Mia and Me», super-skinny princesses like Anna and Elsa in «Frozen» or an oversexualised superheroine Ladybug in «Miraculous», who goes on the hunt for criminals in a red latex one-piece suit. Even the formerly chubby Maya the Bee has been slimmed down over time. Her belly is now only half as round as it used to be.
Boys are also affected by unrealistic body images in children's media, which can create pressure, albeit in far smaller numbers. In 2017, a study led by Elizabeth Prommer, a media researcher at the University of Rostock, on audiovisual diversity in German children's television came to the conclusion that half of all female characters in animated children's series have an anatomically impossible body. Organs such as the heart, stomach, liver and spleen would have no place in reality. Some male characters in animated series also have an unrealistic amount of muscles or an exaggerated V-figure. However, only 6 per cent of them do, according to the study.
Social media and AI influence body image
For young people, there is also social media. Teenagers are confronted with a flood of images on Tiktok and Instagram. They show influencers with hourglass figures and smooth skin or sportsmen and sportswomen with particularly defined muscles.
This can have dramatic consequences for young people's self-esteem and body image. During the pandemic, when they spent more time on social media, the proportion of children and adolescents with eating disorders in Germany increased significantly; in the 15 to 17-year-old girl age group by over 70 per cent. Girls were 14 times more likely to be affected than boys. And with the possibilities offered by AI, even more images of supposedly perfect-looking people are flooding the internet that don't actually exist.
How can parents still convey a positive body image to their children? How can I equip my daughter not to be unsettled by the supposedly perfect images in her later life?
Girls are under more pressure than boys
Ronia Schiftan is a nutrition and media psychologist in Bern. She advises parents on the influence of the family and social media on the eating behaviour of children and young people. She says: «From the age of eight, most girls develop a sense of beauty standards. This is the first time many feel they are too fat.» For boys, the critical evaluation of their own body doesn't start until later. But they are also increasingly affected by body dissatisfaction, says the expert. Especially when it comes to muscles.
How we look at our bodies is largely shaped by our family.
Ronia Schiftan, psychologist
However, girls are under much more pressure. This is because girls and young women are still primarily judged in terms of their appearance, including by themselves. So far, the body positivity movement has not been able to change this. Activists such as Morena Diaz from Aargau are liberating the female body on social media from the tight corset of current slenderness and beauty standards by showing pictures of fat folds, spots and cellulite on Instagram. Their message is: every body is beautiful. But this has not led to any major change. On the contrary: there have recently been fewer plus-size models at fashion shows in New York and Paris.
«How we look at our bodies,» says psychologist Ronia Schiftan, «is largely shaped by our family.» If mothers repeatedly say that they feel too fat or scrutinise themselves in the mirror, girls will adopt this critical view. And eventually apply it to themselves.
Accepting your own body
As a mum, I should therefore try to avoid making negative comments about my appearance in front of my daughter. Instead of sighing on the scales: «I've put on two kilos again», I should rather emphasise the positive aspects of my body. When children are still small, as a mother you can explain to them that the stripes on your stomach are from your pregnancy and that you are proud of it, says Schiftan. You can always tell your teenage daughters: I feel beautiful the way I am, even without make-up and with blemished skin.
It is less common for fathers to complain about their figure. But they can also take care not to make their lack of fitness, their receding hairline or their belly an issue in front of their sons.
Diets are better avoided
It helps to develop a positive body image. For many mums and dads, this is not so easy, as they are also guided by beauty standards. In the early noughties, being thin was not just one option among many. Rather, it was a threatening index finger («Don't get too fat!») that waved at you daily from Bravo, in music videos on MTV and from every billboard. It was the time of Kate Moss, Size Zero and Victoria's Secret. Bones instead of curves.
I also went on my first diet at the age of twelve to get a flat stomach like Britney Spears. For three weeks, I only ate small portions until my stomach hurt and I felt dizzy. It wasn't until I saw my friends in the swimming pool that it is completely normal for a stomach to form small rolls when sitting down that I started to eat my fill again. I was still lucky with that. A girl from my school was hospitalised with anorexia. A friend had been secretly throwing up her food in the toilet for years. Worrying about her appearance, counting calories - I really want to spare my daughter all that.
It's poison when parents constantly comment on their children's eating behaviour.
Ronia Schiftan, psychologist
Ronia Schiftan doesn't think much of diets: «If my body sends me the signal that I'm hungry and I don't eat anything in front of my children, then I'm setting a bad example,» she says. What would be better? «To strengthen children's natural sense of hunger and fullness. And as a mum or dad, eat with pleasure in front of the children, set an example of enjoying food and celebrate a relaxed approach to it.» Some parents are happy with their own appearance, but criticise other people and their figure. The psychologist says that this should also be stopped and children should instead be shown that diversity is beautiful.
Do not rate appearance
Very important: parents should not judge their children's appearance, says Schiftan. And they shouldn't make their children feel guilty if they have two desserts. Instead of banning sweets per se, parents should teach children how enjoyable eating works and that you can have fun with different foods.
Experts agree that parents should counteract overweight in children and adolescents at an early stage. Because it becomes increasingly difficult to lose the pounds later on. However, children should not be put on a diet. It is enough for them to maintain their weight until the next growth spurt by taking plenty of exercise, eating a balanced diet and avoiding sugary drinks such as soft drinks.
Is the toddler eating «particularly well» again today? Or does the thirteen-year-old daughter always eat «like a sparrow»? Even if they don't usually mean any harm, parents shouldn't constantly observe and comment on their children's eating behaviour, says psychologist Schiftan: «That's poison for children.»
As a parent, you can directly influence how you talk to your child about food. However, you usually have no control over what relatives and friends say. If the uncle counts how many pieces of cake the child eats every time they visit, or repeatedly asks them about their figure, you have to intervene, says Schiftan. It's important to show your child at such times: «I don't think the comments are okay and I'm here for you.»
Classify children's series correctly
As mentioned at the beginning, films and series also shape beauty standards. Girls of pre-school age identify with the characters in them. Schiftan advises against bans, as series can be important for children's social participation. «It's more helpful if children learn to think critically,» she says, «then they can also question content from time to time.»
Instead of switching off the ice queens Anna and Elsa straight away, mothers and fathers can talk to their daughters about it and say that the characters' body masses are not realistic. Or, in the case of «Peppa Wutz», explain that jokes about fat people are often hurtful rather than funny. However, if you have a bad feeling as a mum or dad, you don't have to let the children watch everything, says Schiftan. Depending on their age, you can explain to them why you don't feel comfortable with it.
Children who develop a stable sense of self-esteem are better able to deal with criticism later on.
Ronia Schiftan, psychologist
Increased body weight is a common cause of bullying among schoolchildren and can even lead to lower grades for the same performance. In order to arm children against body shaming from the outset, parents should constantly remind their children of their strengths, says Schiftan. «Children who develop a stable sense of self-worth are better able to deal with criticism later on,» says the psychologist. Young children can be made aware of the abilities of their body parts. How fast they can run with their legs and how high they can jump with them. «After all, the body is much more than the appearance,» says Schiftan.
If the child has an eating disorder
All of this advice has one thing in common: it is aimed at prevention and is intended to strengthen children's self-image before serious problems arise. But what if it's already too late? If parents suspect that their daughter or son has an eating disorder, a consultation with their paediatrician can help first.
The aim is to find out whether there is a development. Is the child gaining more and more weight or losing more and more weight? Is there an illness behind it? If adolescents are diagnosed with an eating disorder, they will be referred to a psychotherapist. In some cases, an inpatient stay in a clinic may also be necessary.
Psychologist Schiftan compares a positive body image with a home: «If you know that you have furnished it lovingly, that you take good care of every room, then you enjoy living in your house. That's what you want to give children. Ideally right from the start.»
