11 tips for a needs-oriented everyday life
1. See needs, not fulfil them
Say goodbye to the idea that you have to fulfil your child's every need. It is much more important to recognise the need. Often, it is enough to say: «I know you would like to continue playing. But unfortunately, we have to go.»
2. Every child is different
While one child may want to be hugged during a difficult moment, another may prefer to be left alone. Do not automatically assume what you would have needed as a child in that situation.
3. Desire or necessity?
Consider the difference. «I want to bake a cake with you now » can also mean «I want to spend time with you.» Remember that children usually express their immediate desire, not the underlying need.
4. Space for new needs
Your child's needs change constantly as they develop. It is important to go along with this change and make room for new needs. At the same time, it is important that the needs of all family members are taken into account again over time.
5. Take a critical look at social media
Question the content and your use of social media. Don 't be blinded by beautiful images, harmonious ideas and great quotes. Choose content consciously.
Be kind to yourself and remember that you too have your own unique characteristics.
6. Boundaries are also a necessity
Remember that things like reasonable boundaries, autonomy and social recognition are also needs of your child.
7. Where is my child?
Learn about child development: What can I expect from my child at what age? What developmental stages are they currently going through?
8. Self-care
Remember the principle of the aeroplane metaphor: first put on your own oxygen mask so that you can be there for others. Be kind to yourself and remember that you too have your own unique characteristics.
9. Maintain your own boundaries
Show your own limits. For example, say: «I know you want to let off steam, but it's all too much and too loud for me right now. I need some time to myself.» This automatically makes you a role model for your child, because it teaches them to pay attention to their own resources.
- consistent, loving relationships
- physical integrity, safety and regulation
- Experiences tailored to individual differences
- developmentally appropriate experiences
- Boundaries and structures
- stable, supportive communities and cultural continuity
- a secure future for humanity
Today, experts such as paediatrician Herbert Renz-Polster point out that children cannot be raised according to such «checklists» – but they do advocate keeping children's needs in mind.
10. Impulse control
Practise impulse control. In heated moments, don't immediately give in to your first impulse, but create space between stimulus and response: pause, think, act consciously (or more consciously).
11. Open attitude
Every family and every child is unique. Essentially, it is about having an appreciative, open attitude towards other people.
(Sources: Susanne Mierau, Herbert Renz-Polster, Patricia Lannen, Stefanie Rietzler)
