«You have to practise recognising your own and other people's feelings»
We didn't plan in advance that now was the time to talk to our sons about feelings and empathy. After all, our eldest was only just four at the time and the younger one was two. But David brought emotion cards from his work. These cards had illustrations of little mice on them.
Each card showed a different feeling: one mouse, for example, presented the feeling of self-confidence by balancing on a narrow wall with a stick. Another card showed a mouse being very scared of someone wearing a mask. The feeling of joy and energy was represented by a mouse somersaulting. Joan found these pictures so cute that he looked at the cards for a long time.
Because our son can name so many feelings, he is also very sensitive in his dealings with others.
We then hung up about 20 cards in our kitchen and turned them into a game. At first, we parents did a lot of pretending. For example, I said: «Look, I feel like this little mouse right now. I'm beaming and laughing so much right now because I'm so happy.»
We then added photos of our family to the set of cards: everyone could then assign a clothes peg with their portrait on it to a particular mouse. This visual component was very important for the children. Sometimes they didn't have the words to describe their emotions.
Recognising feelings in others
We are now realising what a positive effect our sessions are having on our sons' language skills. Our six-year-old can describe his feelings very well. Because he recognises and can name so many emotional nuances, he is also very sensitive when interacting with others.
He recently came home from nursery and described how he had seen one child pushing another. He recognised how the other child felt: «He was scared and sad, mum.» He then asked me to help this boy and talk to his mum. That really impressed me.
This conscious way of dealing with our children's feelings also had an impact on me. When I was a child, we didn't talk about emotions so explicitly. It was only as an adult that I realised how fundamental it is to have access to your feelings. This is the basis for being able to understand others.
