When mothers strike

There's Rahel*, who strangled her husband until he had to go to hospital. Theres*, who hit her children if they weren't quiet. Beatrice*, who was so angry that she smashed furniture and objects in the flat. And Regine*, who shouted at and verbally threatened her husband and children. These cases have one thing in common: none of the four women wanted things to go on like this.

They wanted to change something - and sought help: they turned to a specialised violence counselling centre. Violence in the home - beatings, physical assaults on partners or children, sexual abuse, even murders - all of this is mainly associated with men.

For women, violence is concentrated in the domestic environment, the family and close social relationships.

The fact that women also commit such offences is often overlooked. «Violence by women is still far too often hushed up or not taken seriously,» write Helene Gavin from the British University of Huddersfield and Theresa Porter from the American Connecticut Valley Hospital in their book «Female Aggression». «However, violence by women is a significant social issue that should be taken seriously.»

Serious violence is also committed by women - albeit much less frequently than by men. There are women who kill their partner with a knife, suffocate their child with a pillow or sexually abuse their children. These women have often experienced years of humiliation and abuse themselves or they feel completely overwhelmed by their situation.

Every third act of violence against children is committed by women

The statistics on domestic violence from the Swiss Federal Statistical Office provide an insight into how frequently such offences occur: the vast majority of violent offences are actually committed by men, but a significant proportion are also committed by women: In 2017, 76 per cent of those accused of domestic violence recorded by the police were men and 24 per cent were women.

Violence in existing or former partnerships was predominantly perpetrated by men, with only around a fifth (22 or 21 per cent) of suspects being women. The situation is different for violence against children: around a third of this, namely 31 per cent, was perpetrated by women. The proportion of women is slightly lower in cases of serious violence.

For example, crime statistics for the years 2009 to 2016 show that women accounted for 20 per cent of suspects in attempted homicides in partnerships and 11 per cent in completed homicides.

The proportion of women was higher for attempted and completed homicides within the family: 29 per cent of suspects were women - 33 per cent of completed homicides were committed by women. Leena Hässig, psychologist, psychotherapist and violence counsellor at Fachstelle Gewalt Bern, explains: «Violent women are a huge taboo.»

Overall, violence against women has not increased in the last 100 years. But it has become more brutal, especially among young women," says Leena Hässig. Understanding why women become violent in the home is an important prerequisite for preventing violence in families - and ensuring that it does not occur in the future.

In many cases, the violence begins harmlessly and increases over time.

To date, we know that a whole range of causes play a role in the development of violence. Anyone who experienced violence in the family as a child has a significantly higher risk of experiencing or perpetrating violence in relationships as an adult. This applies to both men and women. Other risk factors for domestic violence are stress and overload, relationship conflicts and an environment that tolerates violence or sees it as normal.

Most of them are victims

«A big problem here is that almost all of the research on perpetrators and the dynamics of violence in relationships has been done with men,» says Leena Hässig. «However, a distinction between men and women is very important here.» Little is known about what distinguishes female violence from male violence.

Studies have shown that personality aspects play a greater role for men, while women are more likely to resort to violence as a result of the situation. While the desire for power and dominance often play a role for men, this is less the case for women.

Men perpetrate violence in many areas, for example in public, at work or in the family. For women, on the other hand, violence is concentrated in the domestic environment, in the family and in close social relationships.

This usually involves female victims who are humiliated until they strike back. In addition to the female victims, there are also perpetrators. Figuratively speaking, they kill their lover's wife.

Hitting or attacking others is often a woman's attempt to re-establish emotional contact with her partner. «A woman is often frustrated because her partner is not attentive or does not respond to her needs enough,» says German social scientist Bastian Schwithal.

Furthermore, people who resort to violence have often not learnt more favourable ways of expressing their needs or dealing with conflicts in relationships. «A common reason why women resort to violence is humiliation, abuse or sexual violence by their partner. Women often put up with this for a long time - only to resort to violence as a form of release,» says psychologist Leena Hässig.

Violence prevention begins where behavioural patterns are learned: in childhood and adolescence.

When violence is committed against children, the main causes are excessive demands, helplessness and severe stress. «These women often have high expectations of themselves. They want to show that they are a good mother and have everything under control,» explains the legal psychologist. «If they don't succeed, they snap at some point.» The women are often sorry afterwards - and they also realise that violence is not a solution.

In many cases, the violence begins harmlessly and increases over time. Acts of violence often occur during phases in which life circumstances change significantly: for example, when a couple moves in together, during pregnancy or the birth of a child and especially during separations.

The behaviour of the partner also plays a role here. «Men often don't dare to clearly say 'Stop! There's a limit here!» because it doesn't correspond to their role model," says Bastian Schwithal. This often leads to a spiral of violence from which the conflict partners can no longer find a way out.

Higher inhibition threshold for women

When women kill or perpetrate sexual violence against their own children, it is particularly shocking. If a murder occurs, the victims are also often family members. The offence can be committed in the heat of the moment, but it can also be planned. «Such extreme forms of violence are often preceded by a long history of suffering,» explains Barbara Krahé, a psychologist at the Department of Social Psychology at the University of Potsdam. "The inhibition threshold for physical violence is higher for women than for men.

A number of triggering factors must therefore come together in such offences." In rare cases, however, there are also women who commit murder in cold blood. «This can happen, for example, when they kill a man's lover or wife in order to have him all to themselves,» says Hässig. However, the most frequent victims of women are their children. Distress and despair often drive mothers to commit such acts - many happen shortly after the birth of the children or during their first year of life.

The most frequent fatalities of women are their own children, often in their first year of life.

«The main reason seems to be that these women did not want a child or feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of having a baby,» explain Gavin and Porter in their study. However, according to Leena Hässig, isolation can also lead to sinister behaviour. As far as sexual violence is concerned, Hässig has experienced women who have made their children available for the production of pornography.

«Women's great dependence on their husband or their environment often plays a role here,» reports Hässig. The psychologist is also aware of cases in which women living alone had a «very close» relationship with their sons - this could range from emotional to sexual abuse. These are often women who have lost their sense of what is acceptable and what is not when it comes to physical closeness.

«We don't know how frequent such cases of sexual abuse are,» says Hässig. «It's also difficult to record because it happens in secret.» Violence in couple relationships and families can increase over time. That's why early help is important.

There are numerous violence counselling centres in Switzerland that offer support in cases of domestic violence. However, many are not explicitly specialised in female violence. The Bern Violence Counselling Centre offers such targeted counselling: 12 to 25 women from the region turn to it every year.

How do women get aggression under control in the long term?

But what does it take for women to get their aggression and violence under control in the long term? Leena Hässig has spent 30 years working mainly with women, but also with men in prison and has been working at the violence counselling service in Bern for five years - so she has a lot of experience in this area. «First of all, the women themselves should formulate what it's about,» she says, «and it's also about them taking responsibility for their behaviour.»

Next, the psychotherapist works with them to identify the feeling behind the violence: Is it fear, helplessness, sadness? The next step is to channel these feelings into healthy channels and learn how to resolve conflicts differently - without violence. «Here I work with the women to develop new behaviours that lead out of the spiral of violence.»

It is often relieving for the women to know that other mothers are also sometimes overwhelmed with their children and that it is not necessary to be perfect," says Hässig. «The women often first have to learn to recognise what they themselves need - for example, rest and relaxation.» It is therefore also important that they learn to set boundaries.

If the victim and perpetrator are still in contact, Hässig always endeavours to invite everyone involved and work on the problem together. «How long the counselling lasts depends on how much support the women need,» says the psychologist. «In the case of ongoing stress, such as unemployment or financial difficulties, longer-term counselling is usually advisable.»

Measures for a society without violence

Overall, violence against women is still often taboo in society - or discussed very emotionally. «At the moment, however, awareness of the issue is being raised in Switzerland,» reports Hässig. «However, much more research is needed into the background to female violence - as well as more discussion among experts about how it takes shape and how it can be effectively changed.» Information and education campaigns that raise awareness of the issue in society are also important.

«This could make it easier for both perpetrators and victims to talk about their experiences and seek support in good time,» emphasises Leena Hässig. In addition, more counselling and therapy services should be created that are specifically aimed at women. If there is still a relationship between the perpetrator and the victim, it is also important to involve all parties in the counselling whenever possible. «In this way, you can uncover the processes that contribute to the spiral of violence and work on changing them,» says the violence counsellor.

Systemic therapy approaches play an important role here: violence is seen as an unfavourable form of communication and attempts are made to replace it with more favourable forms of communication.

Starting with education

In Hässig's view, efforts should be made at a societal level to ensure greater equality between men and women. This is one of the tasks of the Federal Office for Gender Equality, for example. For example, women who resort to violence often live in discriminatory or restrictive conditions that leave them with few options for action.

After all, violence prevention begins where behavioural patterns are first learned: in childhood and adolescence. «It is crucial to give children the opportunity to grow up free of violence,» emphasises Barbara Krahé.

«This includes refraining from corporal punishment and rewarding appropriate behaviour instead of punishing inappropriate behaviour. Young people should also learn skills to cope in relationships without violence.» Even if a child is not the target of physical or psychological violence themselves, they are always affected by it. «Witnessing violence is a major psychological stress factor in a child's development,» explains Leena Hässig.

«The consequences for social and academic-cognitive skills as well as physical health are sometimes serious. Experiencing violence can impair a child's development.»

* Names changed