It started quite innocently, during our camping holiday. My four-year-old son watched two older boys filling red balloons with water and throwing them at each other, shouting and screaming with delight. «Mummy,» he said with shining eyes, «I want a bomb too!» Innocently, I bought him a few balloons and gladly served as the target for his attacks. I had no idea that this would be just the beginning of an ever-growing wish list for weapons.
Water pistols and pirate sabres, knives, laser swords and Nerf guns: toy weapons are almost as common in children's bedrooms as Paw Patrol. The toy departments in department stores also stock up in time for every Christmas. This has always made many parents uncomfortable.
Playing is not reality, and children know that.
Wiebke Waburg, educator
In times of war in Ukraine and news reports of school shootings, some parents cringe even more when their children enthusiastically play with toy guns. But are these concerns justified? Can toy weapons really encourage violent behaviour? And what is it that fascinates even small children so much about weapons?
«First of all, it's very important to know that play is not reality, and children know that,» says Wiebke Waburg, a professor at the Institute of Education at the University of Koblenz-Landau who researches toy education, among other topics.
She advises parents to remain calm. Little boys who point Playmobil guns at each other do not automatically want to go to war later in life. After all, children who enjoy playing with trains rarely become train drivers or conductors.
Experience yourself as powerful
Children's fascination with weapons has several aspects, says Waburg. On the one hand, there is the appeal of the forbidden. «Guns, knives and bows are strongly associated with adulthood,» says the professor of education. Toy weapons allow children to try out adult roles «and thereby experience themselves as powerful,» she says.
Another factor is how depictions of violence are processed: «What do I see on television, what do I hear at nursery?» Playing with toy weapons can help children to process what they have seen.
In pretend play, children can explore both roles of weapons: protection and violent intent.
Allan Guggenbühl, psychologist and psychotherapist
When playing with water pistols or Nerf guns, which fire foam darts using air pressure, Waburg says there is also an element of competition: «You get to experience the thrill of winning,» she says. «This joy of playing also plays a big role.»
An existential fundamental dilemma
Swiss psychologist and expert on youth violence Allan Guggenbühl goes one step further. He explains children's fascination with firearms as stemming from an «existential dilemma» that they embody – dealing with violence.
Weapons have two functions: «On the one hand, protection; on the other, the intention to use force.» Even four-year-old children are aware of this dilemma, which is expressed in the object of the toy weapon: the chance to defend oneself, but also the possibility of becoming the villain who attacks other people or uses the weapon to exert power over them.
In so-called pretend play or role play, in which children construct a fantasy world, they can try out both roles, as Guggenbühl says. Without any serious consequences, because ultimately it is all just a game.
Through play, children even take an important step in their development. They learn how to deal with emotions, as German child psychotherapist Bernhard Moors once said: «What does it actually mean to feel anger, to feel aggression, to feel effective or powerful? It's impossible to explain in words.» Toy weapons could help children express themselves «without hurting themselves or others».
Dependent on gender
In all of this, experts have observed significant differences between the sexes. «Guns, arrows – boys are much more fascinated by these things than girls,» says Allan Guggenbühl. Scientists have yet to agree on the reasons for this. Valid studies are difficult to conduct.
«The social components of gender construction begin very early on,» says education researcher Waburg. «This makes it very difficult to assess what is biological and where the social aspect begins.» Shortly after birth, parents speak to boys differently than they do to girls and attribute certain characteristics to them, says Waburg.
Parents should not overestimate the importance of children's play. That is often the real problem.
Bernhard Moors, child psychotherapist
Most boys first become interested in weapons at around the age of four. This phase usually ends by the age of eight to ten, even without parental influence. Computer and internet games then become more important.
No increased propensity to violence
But even before the notorious first-person shooters came along , many parents were afraid that their children's fighting and war games could encourage violent behaviour. However, child psychotherapist Bernhard Moors believes this concern is unfounded. «The danger for us adults is that we are quick to judge and overestimate,» he says. «That is often the much bigger problem.»
In the worst case, parents could transfer their own fears onto their children. Moors advises against attaching too much significance to children's play. After all, there is no empirical evidence of a link between toy weapons and an increased propensity for violence later in life.
What really causes violence
A much greater factor in increased propensity to violence is an aggressive home environment, said the psychologist. This can arise, for example, from parents' or children's experiences of war or terrorism. Emotional neglect and punitive, controlling parents can also increase the propensity of children and young people to violence.
«When children experience severe trauma,» says Moors, «in some cases, they may later resort to violence themselves.» Trauma turns some people into pacifists and others into fighters. However, toy weapons have nothing to do with this and are simply part of harmless child's play.
Children who are not allowed to play with toy weapons usually find them even more interesting.
Bernhard Moors, child psychotherapist
Tips for handling toy weapons
But what is the best way for parents to respond? Therapist Bernhard Moors does not believe in blanket bans. In any case, he says, this is hardly possible: «Children who are prevented from playing with toy weapons usually find them even more interesting,» he says.
Even without toys, children can play war. A stick – or their own index finger – is enough for shooting. Wiebke Waburg also advises parents against prohibitions. By doing so, parents simply ignore their children's need to play and, in the worst case, do not take them seriously.
Do not aim at other persons
If parents allow war games at home, this usually leads to children developing a critical rather than an admiring attitude, according to Allan Guggenbühl. How parents frame the issue is important. «The glorification of war is, of course, highly problematic,» says Guggenbühl. Parents should never equate weapons with an ideology of violence, as often happens in times of war. Clear rules of play, which each family can define for itself , could help to counteract this.
«One rule is: don't aim at another person. And if you're staging a sword fight, it's better to have a tournament than a fight where the other person dies.» Experts also advise that children's weapons should be clearly recognisable as toys. For example, through their colouring, which should make them visually distinct from real weapons.
A huge selection
If children nevertheless play at killing someone in battle, parents could take this as an opportunity to discuss what war means in real life in an age-appropriate manner. That real firearms don't just shoot water – or what they can do. Parents should always intervene if someone could actually be injured in the game, says Wiebke Waburg: «That's a no-go.»
When parents decide to buy their child a toy gun, they are faced with a huge selection. It is important to pay attention to age recommendations, safety and good material quality. Wiebke Waburg also suggests limiting yourself to one or two toys – children do not need three different shooting devices.
I have now established clear rules for my own son at home: laser swords and age-appropriate, colourful toy guns are allowed. We do not buy anything that is too reminiscent of war, such as soldiers, tanks or fighter planes. We also talk about the war in Ukraine at the kitchen table and about how real fighting is not fun.
The other day, we wrote our son's birthday wish list. He said he wanted a robot that could throw real fireballs. «But only very small ones, so our house doesn't burn down.» At least, I thought, he's already thinking about the family's safety. And if necessary, we still have the water bombs to extinguish any fires.
