What to do with the child's imaginary friend?
A felt cord dangles from the cloakroom in the kindergarten. This is the lead. Noah has tied it there for his fox. While the four-year-old plays, does arts and crafts and does gymnastics, the fox sits in the cloakroom and waits. When Noah goes home, he puts on his shoes and jacket and takes the felt cord in his hand. As he trudges home, he pulls it behind him. No one can see the fox except him.
The animal was his first invisible companion. «He accompanied Noah everywhere,» says Katrin, his mum. The fox was also often there at mealtimes - under the table, where Noah ate his snack. «Later, there was a human-like thing,» recalls his mum. «That was little Nick. He could fly right up to the ceiling.» The most impressive of Noah's imaginary friends, however, was a golden fire dragon the size of a medium-sized aeroplane, which accompanied the family on holiday.
Every third child has a fantasy friend
Noah is now eight years old and goes to school. His imaginary friends disappeared two years ago, at the end of his kindergarten years. He no longer needed them. «Imaginary friends help children to feel less alone,» says Michael Schulte-Markwort, Head of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at the University Medical Centre Hamburg-Eppendorf. «They appear when a child goes out into the world for the first time and has to leave their mum.»
Experts also speak of transitional objects - objects such as a cosy blanket or cuddly toys that give the child a feeling of security and support. «All children need such transitional objects,» explains Schulte-Markwort.
The invisible companions can appear in a wide variety of guises.
While some make do with a soft toy, others invent fantasy companions. They may have a human form, or they may be animals or mythical creatures. A number of boys and girls have told the 60-year-old child psychiatrist Schulte-Markwort about their invisible companions.
«Around one in three children sometimes has a friendship that only exists in their imagination,» says Inge Seiffge-Krenke from the University of Mainz. Until the 1970s, scientists feared that imaginary companions were a harbinger of mental disorders. Today we know that the phenomenon is not pathological. «These are completely normal, healthy children,» says Seiffge-Krenke. «The invisible friends are a creative achievement that help the child in difficult situations and promote their development.»
Lonely only children
Imaginary companions can appear, for example, when parents separate - but also when a sibling is born. This was the case with Noah, who was three years old when his little brother was born.
US researcher Marjorie Taylor from the University of Oregon surveyed 152 children for a study and found that children who invent friends usually have no siblings or are first-borns. Both apparently often feel lonely: only children because they lack a playmate, and first-borns because the new sibling attracts the parents' attention.
Children between the ages of three and seven often have invisible friends. This timing is due to the development of the children. «It's a kind of cognitive game,» says psychologist Seiffge-Krenke, «and therefore a question of mental maturity.» Children also learn a lot for themselves by interacting with these imaginary friends, says Seiffge-Krenke. This promotes social skills.
An armed alien as a protector?
So when foxes and other companions join the family, parents can remain calm. Nevertheless, parents should pay particular attention to the invisible guest. An invisible companion reveals a lot about the child's state of mind.
«I wish mothers and fathers wouldn't dismiss this as nonsense,» says child psychiatrist Schulte-Markwort. «They should be attentive and develop their own hypothesis as to why the companion might be necessary for the child right now.» The more space the parents give the fantasy friend, the quicker it loses its importance.
The imaginary friends usually disappear of their own accord.
However, if an imaginary companion stays by a child's side for years, parents should seek help from experts to find out why. This was the case with the eight-year-old boy that Schulte-Markwort still remembers.
«He had an alien,» says the paediatric psychiatrist. «This armed companion was only a threat to the others and protected the boy from the hostile world.» Because the alien refused to disappear, the parents came to see him with their son. «The boy found it a little difficult to come to terms with reality,» says Markwort-Schulte. Group therapy helped. «The more confident the boy became in contact with his peers, the less he needed the alien.»
Imaginary companions are rarely that persistent. Invisible foxes and flying friends usually disappear of their own accord. Noah's younger brother doesn't have any invisible guardians, by the way. «It's almost a bit of a shame,» says his mum. «Somehow these creatures were adorable too.»
