Fear is part of growing up. It does not arise by chance, but fulfils an important function: it protects, provides structure and shows where a child still needs support. Many fears are development-related: fear of the dark at nursery age, exam nerves in secondary school, social insecurity during puberty.
Fear is not a deficit. It is part of childhood development and accompanies children as they gradually become more independent. Fear also has a protective function. It ensures that we do not run headlong into danger.
Anxiety is not the same as an anxiety disorder. And a panic attack does not automatically mean severe mental stress.
However, there are also moments when the fear changes character. Parents are often the first to notice: a child has stomach aches more often, withdraws, sleeps poorly or seems more tense than usual.
Young people report heart palpitations, inner restlessness or sudden feelings of being overwhelmed. Anxiety rarely manifests itself directly, but rather through the body, behaviour and feelings that at first glance do not appear to be anxiety at all. And it is important to know that not every symptom is necessarily an indication of a mental disorder.
Anxiety is not the same as an anxiety disorder. And a panic attack does not automatically mean severe mental stress. Many attacks initially have a physical cause, such as fatigue, low blood sugar, stress or irregular breathing.
That's why it's worth taking a calm look at the situation: observe, assess, relieve the pressure – and only then decide whether professional support is necessary. If the problem becomes significantly worse or interferes with everyday life, don't hesitate to involve specialists and the school. Early discussions prevent patterns from becoming entrenched.
If the school learns early on that a child is struggling, anxiety can be proactively reduced and does not take over.
Actively tackling school anxiety
As caring parents, we tend to protect our children instinctively. This is natural, but sometimes counterproductive. We intuitively avoid situations that cause fear, thereby unconsciously fuelling those fears.
The same applies to school anxiety. It is a relationship issue and must be taken seriously. It often begins inconspicuously: stomach ache in the morning, tears at the front door, sweating before exams or the feeling of «not wanting to go anymore».
Our reflex reaction may be to try to distract or downplay the issue («You always enjoy playing football during break time» or «Don't worry, your worries will pass»). However, it is important to share any observations of anxiety with teachers or social workers at an early stage. This allows the anxiety to be proactively reduced and prevents it from taking over.
Everyone who works at a school wants it to be a place that provides support, reliability and stability, as well as guidance and a sense of security. However, this support can only be provided if we – school administrators, teachers and school social workers – find out early on when a child is struggling. Not only when they stop coming to school and are emotionally overwhelmed.
believe in children
In addition to providing support in emergencies, the question arises as to how we can make children strong and resilient. The answer is simple in essence, but challenging in everyday life: we must have faith in them – and expect them to overcome difficulties. Children grow through experiences that are challenging but achievable. Our support is crucial in this process.
Children need adults who encourage them and instil confidence in them as they take small steps. It is not about pushing children through everything, but about enabling them to experience: «I can overcome something that initially made me feel uncomfortable or afraid.»
A child who feels supported has a good chance of rediscovering the courage that was obscured by fear.
Performance is part of learning, but it needs to be viewed with a sense of proportion. Recognition should be based on effort, not talent. A child who works hard on a difficult subject deserves appreciation, regardless of the result.
Performance requirements must be age-appropriate: an eight-year-old does not have to be able to organise themselves like a teenager. A ten-year-old is allowed to make mistakes without this being judged as a character flaw. Examples from everyday life show time and again that a child who feels very nervous before presentations needs encouragement in their developmental steps and less pressure to be perfect.
Concrete help with fears
When anxiety strikes, small, clear steps often help:
- Name and normalise: «This is fear – it feels heavy, but it will pass."
- Joint emotion regulation: Slow breathing, a quick body check, a moment in the fresh air, a ritual or an emergency plan for difficult situations (What can I do when anxiety arises?).
- Step-by-step approach: No child should have to do anything from 0 to 100. Small steps have a more lasting effect than avoidance.
- Highlight strengths: Fear narrows one's perspective. Adults can assist by demonstrating the child's abilities and working together to find solutions or new approaches.
- Early support: If your everyday life is affected, you should not wait. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but rather demonstrates responsibility.
- Fear is part of life – including children's lives. But it must not be allowed to dominate. When parents, schools and professionals work together and support each other, they create a supportive network. And a child who feels supported has a good chance of gradually regaining the courage that was obscured by fear.
