What to do if your daughter wants to dress belly-free?

A mother is worried: her daughter wants to dress revealingly to go out on the town with friends. What should she do? Our team of experts knows what to do.

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One question - three opinions

My 14-year-old daughter wants to wear tummy-baring T-shirts with a visible bra when she goes into town with her friends. I don't think this is good, but I don't have any clear arguments. Under no circumstances do I want to tell her that her clothes could be a trigger for abusive behaviour from men. What is the best way to approach the issue?

Susanne, 50, Solothurn

What our team of experts says:

Nicole Althaus: Oh, how well I can understand you! How often did I bite my tongue because I didn't want my teenagers to feel that their skirts were too short for men or that the neckline was too big. At the same time, I was scared when they went out in the evening. In the end, I addressed my dilemma openly. We agreed that they would pack their tracksuit bottoms and jumpers and put them on before the train journey. Or if they feel unwell. The older daughter no longer lives at home. On her last visit, she had her tracksuit bottoms with her - and slipped them on before cycling home.
Peter Schneider: If you lack clear arguments, you should also admit this in case you want to talk to your daughter about it. Your daughter certainly doesn't go to dubious clubs with her friends in town - she just wants to go «lädele» dressed fashionably. The topic is a perennial favourite. You can perhaps take comfort in the fact that this is a phase that will pass and will most likely give way to a more sophisticated style of dress. Besides, 14-year-olds are not stupid. They also have experience of which style attracts what kind of attention and probably discuss this with each other.
Annette Cina: If you are convinced that it is not good for your daughter to dress too revealingly, then tell her that. Talk about the effect of clothes. After all, clothes often want to express something. This discussion is not about convincing your daughter that she should dress boldly and appropriately. Rather, it's about her hearing that there are other opinions than just those of her group of friends. Give her the freedom to decide. At best, your daughter will look really great in these clothes. And she can be told that too.


The team of experts:

  • Annette Cina, 51, works at the Institute for Family Research and Counselling at the University of Freiburg. In her own practice, the psychologist, psychotherapist and mother of three counsels young people and adults. Her research focuses on the prevention of child behavioural disorders, couple conflicts, parenting and stress.
  • Peter Schneider, 66, is a psychoanalyst, columnist and satirist. He used to be a professor of educational and developmental psychology at the University of Bremen and is still a private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich. Father and husband of an adult son and an adult wife from and in his first marriage.
  • Nicole Althaus, 54, is editor-in-chief of magazines and a member of the editorial board of «NZZ am Sonntag», columnist and author. She initiated the mum blog on tagesanzeiger.ch and was editor-in-chief of «Wir Eltern». Althaus is the mother of two grown-up children.
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