What is the most important thing we should give our child?
A solid legacy or patience with yourself? The answers from our team of experts are once again very different.
One question - three opinions
Our son is 8, our daughter 10 years old. What is the most important thing we should pass on to our two children for their future lives?
Holger, 38, and Gertrud, 37, Bümpliz BE
This is what our team of experts says:
Only you can answer that. Imagine the two of them looking back on their childhood as adults. What adjectives would they use to describe their relationship with you? And how should they describe their everyday life? What messages should they have taken away about themselves, the family and the world? Parents set different priorities here. For me, the following would be important: «You are loved. You are valuable just the way you are. You are allowed to make mistakes and come to us with everything. Everyone, no matter how big or small, has the right to find out what is good for them and what they need, and to go their own way.»
A solid inheritance wouldn't be bad - don't put all your eggs in one basket, a mix of property, shares, cash and a few nice mementos is recommended. And divided up in such a way that, when the time comes, a peaceful division of the estate will be possible. As far as the more intangible values are concerned, I recommend: friendliness, relaxation, generosity. And saying goodbye to the idea, which I find rather depressing, that there is «one most important thing» that you have to pass on to your children.
A big question that philosophers have been working on since the beginning of time. I think you set an example to children every day of what you want to pass on to them. Sometimes it works better, sometimes less well. But if I were to formulate my conviction here in a few words, then it would probably be like this: I want my children to learn to love courageously, to be able to work passionately, to be true to themselves, to do business carefully and to always be generous to family and friends. And above all: that they patiently get up again when they have stumbled.
The team of experts:
- Stefanie Rietzler is a psychologist, author («Geborgen, mutig, frei», «Clever lernen») and runs the Academy for Learning Coaching in Zurich. www.mit-kindern-lernen.ch
- Peter Schneider, 62, is a columnist, satirist, psychoanalyst, private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich and visiting professor for the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.
- Nicole Althaus, 51, is editor-in-chief of magazines and member of the editorial board of «NZZ am Sonntag», columnist and author. She initiated and managed the mum blog on tagesanzeiger.ch and was editor-in-chief of «wir eltern». Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children aged 20 and 16.
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Send an e-mail to: redaktion(at)fritzundfraenzi.ch
