«We perceive things differently»
Stephanie Hoppeler, 44, and Stefan Fasnacht, 41, live with their children Anabelle, 12, and Xavier, 9, in Liebistorf FR. Stephanie works as a team leader in research funding at the Swiss National Science Foundation, Stefan as team leader of the carpentry workshop at the Centre for the Blind and Disabled. Stephanie and Anabelle are both highly sensitive.
Stephanie: "When I was younger, I was often told: «Don't be so sensitive. Don't take it so much to heart.» Situations in which I was frightened hit me harder than others. It could happen that I burst into tears - completely out of proportion from the point of view of others.
There was no explanation for this sensitivity back then. High sensitivity, this personality trait, was not really known in our generation. It wasn't until my daughter Anabelle had similar feelings and difficulties at nursery school that I started to look into the background.
Thanks to Anabelle's high sensitivity, I have learnt to trust my gut feeling more.
Stephanie, 44
Anabelle was a very sensitive child from an early age. When she started nursery, we thought she would cope well. She was cognitively well developed. But she didn't want to go in the morning, cried a lot and clung to us or her carer. It was all too much for her, too loud, too bright.
Eventually, a teacher drew our attention to high sensitivity. I read books about it and we sought medical and psychological counselling. Realising that Anabelle and I perceive and process things demonstrably differently was a key moment.
Strategies that make everyday life easier
We have developed strategies to make everyday life easier for Anabelle. It is important that she faces new experiences, but we prepare situations so that she knows what to expect. If swimming lessons are coming up, we visit the pool together beforehand so that she feels positive about the first experience. When she feels safe, everything works much better.
My husband Stefan is not highly sensitive. Sometimes he finds it difficult to understand why Anabelle and I take longer to process emotions. But he makes sure that we have the necessary space for our needs.
Thanks to Anabelle's high sensitivity, I have learnt to trust my gut feeling more. As a team leader, I can usually sense when something is bothering someone and this helps me to offer the right support. Today, I don't see my high sensitivity as a weakness, but as a special ability that I consciously integrate into my everyday life."
Louder, brighter and stronger
Anabelle: "Sometimes it feels like everything is a bit louder, brighter and stronger for me than for others. That can be nice, but also exhausting. When everyone is talking at school, I get nervous and want to leave.
I've also realised that I react to things that others might overlook. If someone says something mean just for fun, it stays with me for a long time. Once we watched a video about the Middle Ages at school. It scared me so much that I almost fainted.
Sometimes I can sense how someone is feeling without them telling me. That's a skill that I like.
Anabelle, 12
I now know that I am highly sensitive. Mum is too and can understand me well. I've also told my best friend. She tells me that it's okay to be the way I am. That helps me because I sometimes feel like I don't fit in with the group.
I have also learnt that it can be nice to be highly sensitive. I can hear or see things that others don't even notice. If someone is not being honest, I quickly realise it. Sometimes I can also sense how someone is feeling without them telling me. That's a special ability that I like.
I now also know what I can do when everything is too much. It helps me to take a deep breath at such times and think about something nice. Sometimes I also draw to calm myself down."
