«Ungratefulness gives me a hard time»

Serge: «My parents brought me up according to the laissez-faire principle, setting me zero boundaries. The experience of being able to do anything is not as fun as it sounds. I concluded that I might as well not exist, nobody recognised me anyway. That gave me severe self-doubt.»

Liora: «My parents come from Ukraine, a generation characterised by war. I grew up in Israel, my father served in the war, my mother got us by with odd jobs. There were often beatings at home. Neither of them cared about me: they encouraged me to be a good pupil so that I would have a better life later on. Mum said: Don't be like me. Become an independent woman who goes her own way. I also instil this value in my daughters.»

Serge: «As a father, I'm very different from my parents used to be. Fixed structures are important to me. I try to make it clear to the children that we don't make up rules at random, but because we want to raise them to be good people. That doesn't mean that I explain myself endlessly. I always say: I'm not your friend, I'm your father. I am aware of my role as a role model and I think this attitude also prevents verbal violence to a certain extent: Tubel you call a colleague in anger, but certainly not your children.»

Liora: «We both don't fall into the trap of devaluing the children. I grew up with a mentally impaired brother who had to put up with a lot of malice, and that shaped me.»

Serge: «As a father, I'm firm, but not loud.»

My mother said: «Become an independent woman who goes her own way.» I also instil this value in my daughters.

Liora: «I'm louder by nature. But I don't shout - and I would never harm a hair on my children's heads.»

Serge: «When she gets angry, Liora shuts down and stops talking to you.»

Liora: «Like recently: I had put a lot of effort into the girls' advent calendar and then Micah criticised it. When I was her age, my possessions fitted into a plastic box and I couldn't take a hot shower. And my daughter grumbles because she doesn't like the calendar. Ungratefulness gets to me. I didn't want to talk to her anymore. She apologised. I explained to her what had upset me so much. She understood and we ended the whole thing with a bear hug.»

Serge: «As parents, it's important to apologise too. For example, if you've dismissed the children's worries as drama and haven't realised that something is bothering them.»

Liora: «I learnt to apologise from Serge. "I never heard «I'm sorry» as a child.»