Twins separated at different school levels

«Are your boys at school yet?» Unfortunately, the answer to this actually simple question is anything but trivial. I usually answer: «It's complicated», because it really is. While 6-year-old Bastian attends the second kindergarten, Felix is already in first grade.

Before they started school, we parents had decided that the two of them would go to different «Chindsgi» classes. Our reasoning behind this was to allow each of them to build up their own circle of friends and their own environment.

18 vicariates in 9 months

But we never thought it would be so different. While Bastian had a relatively normal first year at kindergarten, Felix's problems began shortly after he started. When his teacher went on maternity leave a week after he started, the school was unable to find a permanent replacement. A total of 18 vicars alternated on a weekly basis.

It was a difficult time for the class. No sooner had they got used to one person than someone else arrived. With new ideas, new rules and new routines. In Felix's case, it sometimes manifested itself in him starting to pester other children. It was a difficult situation for everyone involved and we as parents felt helpless. It seemed to us that he was both overchallenged and underchallenged by the unstable situation: the class never went to the forest, had no themed projects and was actually only supervised rather than supported or encouraged. This frustrated and unsettled him. Several conversations at the kindergarten only helped temporarily, but the situation didn't really improve.

The paediatrician recommended that we have Felix examined by a developmental paediatrician. The teachers also welcomed this decision. The result of the assessment was that he was partially gifted, especially in logical thinking, but also significantly more advanced in other disciplines than others his age. His sometimes aggressive behaviour was completely normal, said the doctor in the subsequent interview, as he lacked play partners at eye level and was not being encouraged in a developmentally appropriate way.

Once school, once Chindsgi

The «diagnosis» was not only sent to us, but also to the school. And so we received a call: the class teacher said that Felix should start first grade in the summer instead of completing the second year of kindergarten. We parents were overwhelmed by the situation. What exactly did all this mean and, above all, what would happen to Bastian? From our point of view, Felix's twin brother was absolutely on a par cognitively. Should he now also skip a year?

During the interview, Bastian's kindergarten teacher was opposed to him transferring to school early. She didn't want to deprive him of the experience of being «the big one» in kindergarten. And without clarification, an early transfer would not be possible anyway. However, we initially wanted to avoid a cross-grade separation. We were afraid of jealousy and didn't want Bastian to feel inferior.

New year, new luck, new level?

But nothing helped. We could no longer have Bastian checked because there were no more free appointments before the summer holidays. And little by little, we parents also realised that a second year at kindergarten would be good for him. So we accepted the situation as it was and had intensive discussions with the children to make them realise that both are equally important. Regardless of the school level.

Today, a year later, with the first year of school and the second year of «Chindsgi» slowly coming to an end, it's time to summarise: yes, there were days when Bastian was jealous of Felix's homework and there were arguments about it. But it's not a big issue either at home or among his school mates. This is mainly thanks to the great support from all the teachers involved for both children. Bastian was given his own homework from time to time. And: Felix stopped pestering other children. He finally received the support he needed. Bastian also enjoyed his last year in kindergarten and is now looking forward to starting school. The fact that he will be a first-grader and Felix a second-grader doesn't bother him. Further clarification is no longer on the cards, as we don't believe this would provide any real insight. It's fine the way it is.

And for me, the answer to the question of whether my boys are already at school is finally no longer complicated.