«Our youth was characterised by pathological competition»
Twins Eva and Rita Fleer, 30, rivalled so fiercely as teenagers that they had to be physically separated. Eva now works as a teacher and trainer for subject-orientated communication with babies in Bremgarten BE. She has two daughters, aged 3 years and 9 months. Rita is an economist and lives in Baden AG.
Eva: «In our early childhood, we enjoyed playing with each other a lot. Our competition began at the start of puberty. At any rate, it became noticeably fierce from this point onwards, the structures for this were certainly laid earlier. Rita and I grew up in a small village. As a result, we were always in the same class from the start of school. Our parents were also teachers at this school. They taught us both from the first to the fourth grade.»
Rita: «We were expected to perform well. We were also both disciplined and very good pupils. Our grades were strongly compared by those around us. If I got a 5 in an exam and Eva got a 5.5, the question quickly arose: «Why didn't you get half a grade better?» This feeling that you only get recognition if you've achieved the corresponding performance eventually took on a life of its own.»
Eva: «We then both took up figure skating. It's a very competitive individual sport anyway. So we were constantly comparing ourselves with each other. My self-esteem depended on whether I could perform as well or better than Rita. If I couldn't, I felt like I was worth less.»
Rita: «I secretly read Eva's diary to find out if she had learnt or exercised more than she admitted. I was on a strict diet, which turned into a severe eating disorder: For example, I secretly threw away my muesli so that Eva would eat more breakfast than me.»
My self-esteem depended on whether I could perform as well or better than Rita.
Eva: «We also spun intrigues against each other in our circle of friends and acquaintances, started rumours and tried to play us off against each other. There were times when we didn't speak to each other in the dressing room during figure skating. At some point, our parents decided that we couldn't go on like that because it was becoming dangerous for both of our health. Rita then moved in with our grandparents, who lived in the same town, when she was 16.»
Rita: «We haven't lived together since then. I moved straight to Bern to study after my A-levels. The fact that we were able to get closer again after that is certainly due to the fact that we took very different paths. There were no more opportunities for comparison. There was a further rapprochement when Eva became a mum for the first time three years ago. When we met, it was primarily about her daughter, whose godmother I am now.»
Eva: «In our family of origin, this topic is a red rag. We haven't yet managed to talk about the mistakes of the past from a neutral perspective. Before my children were born, I dealt with the issue of rivalry and sibling relationships. I also realised once again what led to this insane jealousy. We were simply very similar and were strongly compared by those around us. I now look back on our teenage years with a sense of leniency. I no longer have any ambitions to compare myself like that because I simply know exactly what I'm worth to myself.»
