«There's always a row about homework»
Astrid Mitchell, 47, is a teacher of German as a foreign language. She lives with her husband Bradley, 48, and their two children Paul, 11, and Sarah, 9, in Thalwil ZH.
I'm not at all a woman who smashes plates. I'm a total harmony person, always keen to find a joint solution to conflicts. However, this sometimes doesn't work with my 11-year-old son and me. Paul and I are relatively similar in temperament. We are both quite energetic and emotional.
My husband Bradley and our daughter Sarah are much more moderate and relaxed. Unfortunately, Paul and I regularly clash when it comes to homework. I'm never usually that angry. I sometimes slam a book on the table or he closes a door with a bang. To outsiders, it might look like I'm overreacting.
In the end, I'm angry with myself because I can't control the situation peacefully.
My husband sometimes says: «Don't get so upset. It won't help if you get loud.» But it's easy for him to say, because he's not constantly confronted with this irritating issue in everyday life. For me, it feels like a volcano that is constantly bubbling. I've been trying for years to bring structure to this story and teach Paul to get to work regularly and on time. Unfortunately with little success. We've even had to cancel family outings because he hadn't done his chores yet.
A feeling of great powerlessness
If I ask and remind Paul once or twice in a friendly manner, it often doesn't help. It's similar with small household tasks: at first there's discussion and things are often only done reluctantly. At a certain point, I can no longer manage to be friendly and calm, I lose my patience and get angry, sometimes even loudly. I don't feel comfortable with that. However, I also want my son to know that his behaviour can drive me to white heat. I want him to know how I feel about it.
But I also hate the role of the bitch mum who shouts and gives orders. In the end, I'm also angry with myself because I can't control the situation patiently and peacefully. It's a feeling of great powerlessness.
Fortunately, however, we are able to approach each other quickly after such a tantrum. We discuss and clarify what happened and apologise to each other. We are good at talking about our feelings. And at some point, we will hopefully have learnt to deal with conflict situations better.
