«The children should know that they are valuable»
Television technician Sophie, 40, lives with her husband Thomas, 36, a technician, Noah, 15, and Lias, 6, in Spreitenbach AG. She wants to give her sons what she missed so much as a child.
I didn't know the term «resilient» until a friend characterised me as such when we were playing a game in which we had to name the strengths of the other person. In my youth, I was ideally placed, if you like, to go off the rails. I can't fully explain why things turned out differently.
I grew up as the child of devout parents. They were members of a free church, where I spent my free time from an early age. I didn't fit in at school: I was shunned, bullied or laughed at. When I was twelve, my parents divorced, which led to the church kicking the whole family out.
I have no sympathy for parents who let their hand slip because they didn't know anything else.
My friend, the preacher's son, broke up with me and I was also no longer welcome in the youth group, where I was about to become a group leader. Whereas before I was not allowed to have any worldly contacts, now I had no environment at all. It was as if the rug had been pulled out from under my feet.
I was just bumbling from one day to the next, never thinking about the future. My mother disappeared until she reappeared months later. She now had a severe alcohol problem, was unstable and often didn't come home. Then our grandmother often stepped in. She probably helped me not to lose myself.
What if I became like my mum?
I ran away from home a few times as a teenager, often going to the police because my drunk mum had attacked us. I started an apprenticeship, which I lost, and moved away from home before I turned 18. I worked in a fast food restaurant and trained as a video editor on the side. I then moved to Germany for two years, worked in sales and did internships in television. I then came back to Switzerland and stayed in the industry.
I became mum to Noah when I was 25. Shortly before he was born, I was afraid: what if I became like my mum? Or choleric like my father? Then a friend said: "You know what you don't want - then it won't happen. That reassured me immensely. I have no sympathy for parents who let their hand slip because they didn't know anything else. We have the brains to break such patterns.
In the years that I was on my own, I learnt to help myself and to assess myself well.
I want my children to know that they are valuable - I convey this to them with everyday little things that express appreciation. I am grateful for my sons, my husband and our patchwork family, which includes Noah's dad.
I was lucky. In the years that I was on my own, I learnt to help myself and to assess myself well. I'm glad about that, especially when I see how people are ripped off by so-called life coaches. But there's a downside to everything: I'm tough, but I can't be proud of myself - I don't recognise that feeling. At most, I'm amazed at what I've achieved. Lately I've been giving myself a jolt and saying: Hey, that's quite a lot!
