Robin Lehner storms into the kitchen and throws his rucksack into the corner. «Got a lot of homework?» asks his father. The 12-year-old nods. «I'll do it with you later.»
Andre Lehner prepares dinner. Later, he will check his son's homework, do the washing up, do the laundry and hang it up to dry. Household chores, in other words. He always does this, and he always does it alone.
Andre Lehner, 52, is a computer scientist and has been a single father for twelve years. This makes him part of a statistical minority in Switzerland. Single fathers account for only around twelve per cent of all single-parent households in this country.
Shortly after Robin's birth, the first difficulties in the family become apparent. His father says that his mother already had trouble developing maternal feelings during the postnatal period. Everyone thinks it's the «baby blues» and that it will pass eventually.
Andre Lehner is suddenly on his own from one day to the next.
But it doesn't go away. When Andre Lehner comes home from work in the evening, his wife hands him the baby and leaves the house. The young father changes nappies, feeds and cuddles his son until he falls asleep. This is how the first year of his life passes. «I functioned because I had to fulfil my responsibilities as a father,» he recalls. He felt he owed it to the child, he thought. If the mother couldn't do it, then he had to.
He spends more and more evenings and weekends alone with the child. «I felt like I was driving into a wall at 180 kilometres per hour,» he recalls. Then came the divorce. Although Lehner and his solicitor insisted on joint parental custody, the judge surprisingly decided otherwise during the proceedings: «I think it would be better if you took care of the child on your own.» Lehner was awarded sole custody.
Andre Lehner is suddenly left to fend for himself. He receives no alimony from the mother. The state does not step in either, as the man's savings are too large – and yet too small to deal with the new situation in a lavish manner. He continues to work full-time.
Lehner took a long time to adjust to his new role as a single father. «I was an oddity,» he says. He tried several times to join groups for single parents, but most of the members were mothers who refused to accept him as a man. So he withdrew and struggled through everyday life with his young son and the noble aspiration of providing him with a solid foundation: shopping, cooking, washing, cleaning, stroking his son's hair reassuringly when monsters crept into his dreams at night, children's birthday parties, the first day of school.
Double burden takes its toll on father
The double burden of work and childcare is increasingly taking its toll. But then one evening, a dedicated social worker from the community rings Andre Lehner's doorbell: a farming family has offered to take his little boy into their care as a day family. Robin is three years old at the time. For the working father, it's a godsend.
The farming family, who have four children of their own, welcome the boy with warm hospitality, and to this day, the pre-teen spends his weekdays with the family, who live within cycling distance of the Lehners.
I get to experience so much that other fathers don't get to see.
Andre Lehner, single father
Robin comes home to his father for dinner. Together they do chores, eat, talk, and every evening his father puts his son to bed. «This is our sacred time, and it brings us closer together,» Andre Lehner is certain.
And not only that: sometimes his role as a single father even enriches him, he says: «I get to experience so much that other fathers don't get to see.» On weekends, father and son go cycling or camping. During the holidays , they pack up their specially converted VW pickup truck and head for Corsica. A man's adventure .
Don't lose your basic trust
And how is Robin doing without his mother? «I always ignore my friends' questions,» he says decisively. And his father adds: «The childminder is an important caregiver for Robin, but she is no substitute for his mother. Every day, he feels that he is missing out on the intensity of a mother's love.»
Mother and son now meet up from time to time. But Robin is increasingly deciding who he wants to share his life with. His mother is not at the top of the list, says Lehner. And: «My job as a father is also to explain to him that he mustn't lose his basic trust in women.» Father and son get on well together, even though they are currently facing another challenge: the IT expert is looking for a job. But he is sure that everything will work out fine.
