«Self-care is so important!»

Anita Bucher*, 40, has five children aged between 1 and 14. The recently single mum has a lot on her plate. Self-care and clear rules are important to her so that she can cope with her everyday life.

"With five children, you need clear structures, and yet my four daughters and my son have creative, free space for their individual development. Achieving this is always a challenge. For example, when we go swimming: The little ones are only allowed to splash around on the beach and not go any further into the water, the older ones want to swim, the eldest wants to jump off the diving platform and I want to do my laps too. This is only possible if I have support. In my case, through a socio-educational family counsellor or friends.

Without fixed structures and clear boundaries, our family life would not work.

Anita Bucher*

I have recently become a single parent for an indefinite period of time, as my husband is mentally ill and is being treated in a clinic.

In the past, many cross-border situations in everyday family life have led to enormous exhaustion on my part, until I realised that firm rules are needed in order not to go under.

The socio-educational family support and a home help support me in my everyday life, enabling me to be there one day a week either entirely for the little ones or just for the older ones. Without fixed structures and clear boundaries, our family life would not work.

On the one hand, it gives the children a sense of security, and on the other hand, I show them how I look after them and at the same time how I look after myself.

I often used to feel like I was falling by the wayside and had almost completely ignored my needs due to the heavy burden of being a mum of five, until I realised that I couldn't be there for the family in the long term if I didn't look after myself too.

An example: If my little one wants to colour with me but I'm completely exhausted, I try to combine our needs.

Then I lie down on the sofa with my little one in my arms, my son draws at the coffee table and the girls join us to practise the violin. That way, we're all together and everyone can do what they want to do, what makes them feel good.

However, I'm often so exhausted that I can't do anything and my older daughter steps in and takes over. That's helpful, but it stresses me out because she shouldn't take on the role of mum.

In my experience, the more reliably boundaries are set, the better they can be internalised and adhered to.

Anita Bucher*

But at the same time, I see her setting boundaries for her siblings and protecting me: «Mum needs to rest, now I'm in charge.» This causes a stir, but she masters the situation and is consistent. She has learnt that from me, which makes me proud.

In my experience, the more reliably boundaries are set, the better they can be internalised and adhered to. This is part of my self-care programme to help me cope with everyday life and create energy reserves."

* Name changed by the editors