Help, my child only has one girlfriend!

Ramona and Niklas' 12-year-old daughter only has one best friend and no other mates. The parents wonder whether this is healthy for their child's development. They turn to our team of experts with their concerns.

Image: Pexels

One question - three opinions

Our daughter, 12, spends every free minute with her best friend. She has hardly any contact with other children in her class. We find this development unhealthy, but are reluctant to intervene. What advice would you give us?

Niklas, 40, and Ramona, 42, Kreuzlingen TG

This is what our team of experts says:

Nicole Althaus
Best Friends Forever: BFF. For many girls, this is as much a part of puberty as being crazy about horses. But regardless of age, not everyone needs a large circle of friends. There are more introverted girls and boys who are happier with few but close relationships. My children were one of them, and you know what? The friendships from their school days have remained. If your daughter is otherwise outgoing and curious and doesn't withdraw into her room, then don't worry.
Peter Schneider
Why don't you let your daughter have fun with her best friend? You can't dictate relationships. Social relationships usually diversify on their own as we get older. At some point, when they fall in love, they become more concentrated and then diversify again. Life is a rollercoaster. Sometimes with smaller, sometimes with larger temperature differences. All attempts to standardise something for which there are (thankfully) no standards only make everyone involved unnecessarily unhappy.
Annette Cina
Basically, it's great that your daughter has a best friend who is also interested in your daughter. Because at this age it is very important for girls to have such a best friend. Your daughter is obviously getting exactly what she needs from this friend. And that's fine. If the reason for this single friend is that your daughter is too shy, then help her to find a way out by doing activities that she enjoys. Otherwise, stay calm. You have little influence on your daughter's choice and number of friends. She chooses them herself.


The team of experts:

  • Annette Cina, 51, works at the Institute for Family Research and Counselling at the University of Freiburg. In her own practice, the psychologist, psychotherapist and mother of three counsels young people and adults. Her research focuses on the prevention of child behavioural disorders, couple conflicts, parenting and stress.
  • Peter Schneider, 66, is a columnist, satirist, psychoanalyst, private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich and visiting professor for the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.
  • Nicole Althaus, 54, is editor-in-chief of magazines and a member of the editorial board of «NZZ am Sonntag», columnist and author. She initiated and managed the mum blog on tagesanzeiger.ch and was editor-in-chief of «wir eltern». Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children.
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