«Hello? You really can't say that!»

I've been accused of a lot in my life. I am misogynistic, anti-feminist, homophobic and xenophobic. I wouldn't shy away from body shaming either. These accusations usually come from people who should actually know me particularly well: my children. For me, these accusations come out of the blue, for example when our family is talking about a film.

«Hello?» my daughter interrupts me abruptly, «that's racist!» While I'm still recapitulating what I might have just said incorrectly, she continues to reprimand me. «You really can't say things like that. It's called POC today. That stands for People of Colour!» I know what POC means, I think grimly and feel the anger slowly rising inside me. Her arrogant tone bothers me, and of course I'm angry about the unfair accusation. I reflexively want to defend myself, after all, I'm not a racist. Instead of getting upset, I take a deep breath.

My children are not interested in an exchange. Every sentence I say bounces off their granite-hard convictions.

Basically, I think it's absolutely right when my children correct me and point out more sensitive language. Although I consider myself to be liberal, tolerant and open-minded, it can still happen that I unconsciously slip out an everyday racist sentence. After all, we parents grew up in a different time and socialised differently.

Children use genders as a matter of course

In recent decades, however, there has been a major change in our society. Values such as social justice and equality have become much more prominent in the public consciousness, as has the acceptance of diversity. The internet and social networks have further intensified this development. And it is precisely this change that the younger generation is experiencing at first hand. They gender themselves as a matter of course, scrutinise our everyday statements and take the right to address discrimination and other resentments directly. So where is the problem?

Like other parents, I quickly get annoyed when my children take on the role of language police. They give me the feeling that they are old hat and have lost touch with modernity. Moreover, how can you not feel offended when the accusations are made with vehemence and mercilessness? I would at least like to enter into a discussion. But every word I say sounds like a justification.

What's more, my children are not at all interested in an exchange. Every sentence I say bounces off their granite-hard convictions, which don't allow any contradiction. But then it has nothing to do with the original topic, but with the current zeitgeist and puberty.

Can't every adult still remember the political arguments with their own parents? We threw nasty things at them - with the clear message that they had no idea and that young people were simply better and smarter. This juvenile hubris and idealism has not changed in the digital age. It is well known that children and young people have to work their way up to their own identity and set themselves apart from their parents. In any case, they already encounter enough difficulties when it comes to the «language police».

Politically charged terms

There is nothing wrong with children and young people campaigning for more justice, diversity and against discrimination. But today, these areas are already being used as major political issues. Terms such as «gender» or «trans» have long been part of the populist battle slogans of some parties. According to their interpretation, climate activists are «terrorists» and justice is an «ideology».

The Woke movement, for example, which opposes forms of discrimination, is being turned into the legend of left-wing extremist brainwashing. The «language police» are also being reinterpreted as a state-imposed ban on thought and speech («You're not allowed to say anything today»).

Black-and-white thinking spills over from the internet into the real lives of young people and really gets them down.

But all of these examples have one thing in common: they ruthlessly discredit the empathy and commitment of young people. But the doggedness of some anti-racists and activists also plays into the hands of certain political forces. It is difficult to muster sympathy for the good cause when terms such as «cancel culture» or «cultural appropriation» and the subsequent calls for boycotts and vilification on social networks are used to abandon the ground of discourse.

Unfortunately, the black-and-white thinking and the platitudinising of the discussion culture that are known to prevail on the internet are now spilling over into the real lives of young people and are really getting them down.

It is important to keep your composure

In fact, children and young people are now starting to tear each other apart over such issues. I've been told about a few incidents at my workshops recently.

• A 15-year-old schoolgirl said: «My best friend is gay, but now he says that as a white cis woman he can't talk to me about his needs at all.»
• One boy talked about a close friend from a migrant background who had now completely turned his back on him. «He has become totally radicalised,» he said, «and thinks I'm privileged.»
• In another school, the friendship of a trio fell apart. Two of the three friends had come out as trans and bisexual. The third boy had no problem with this, but was quickly labelled as homophobic because he didn't want to take a stand.

There are many pitfalls and misunderstandings when it comes to diversity. Diversity is not the diversity of a closed group, but the «outward recognition of diversity, of the talents and achievements of all groups», as the controversial US media scientist Neil Postman put it almost 30 years ago.

What do we learn from this? There are no clear solutions. And some parents find it difficult to remain calm when their children launch verbal and provocative attacks. It is particularly important to maintain the necessary attitude at all times, as this offers children and young people security and stability during their development and orientation phases. It's also about having a sense of proportion. Gendering, for example, has its justification, but the petty disputes over the written implementation do not. And when it comes to diversity, common sense remains a good compass.