«My parents are punishing me for vaping by banning me from using my mobile phone.»

«Ask Sarah!»

My parents get extremely upset that I vape from time to time. After all, it's less harmful than smoking, isn't it? And when my mother was young, she smoked herself – she told me that once. But now they're making such a big deal out of it. Yesterday, they even took my mobile phone away as punishment. I won't get it back for a week. That has nothing to do with vaping. Are they even allowed to do that?
Amy, 16 

Dear Amy
Falsehoods are often spread about e-cigarettes, namely that they are harmless to health. Unfortunately, this is not true.    

Vaping is no more harmless than smoking. When you vape, you inhale a mixture of flavourings, metals, formaldehyde and other carcinogenic substances. This can have harmful effects on your lungs and heart. Most e-cigarettes also contain nicotine, which leads to addiction – just like smoking.  

Parents must not simply look away

There is a reason why your parents are so upset and don't want you to smoke e-cigarettes: they are concerned about your health. And that's a good thing! Because it means that you are important to them and they care about you.    

Of course, I understand that this really annoys you. Because you want to decide for yourself what is good for you and what isn't. But as long as your parents are responsible for you – and they are until your 18th birthday – they have to look after your development. This also means that they can't just look the other way when something happens to you. Or when you do something that could be harmful to your health. Vaping is one of those things.

The danger of becoming addicted

What's more, it's not just about a one-off slip-up. It's about the fact that you could become addicted. That's why addictive substances are called addictive substances: drugs, alcohol, nicotine, etc. The nasty thing about it is that you start off innocently enough, just smoking now and then. Then suddenly it becomes regular consumption. Many who claim to have it «under control» find that over time they can no longer do without the substance. And then you become dependent.    

Please try to put yourself in your mum or dad's shoes. Imagine you have a child whom you love and who is the most important thing in your life. You do everything you can to make sure they are well and as happy as possible. And then one day, this child comes home and takes drugs. «Just a little bit,» they say.    

What would you do as a mother?

How would you react? Would you advise him to continue using drugs?    

Your child might only take drugs because their best friends are also using the same drug. Or they might take drugs because they are in a bad place mentally.    

In these cases, would you say: «Your best friends are cool and they take drugs. Please continue to take drugs so that you can stay in their group.»

Prohibitions often have the opposite effect on young people. Then they are even more likely to do it.

Or: «You poor thing, you're having a hard time. Definitely keep taking drugs if it makes you feel better. Drugs will definitely help you more than talking about your problems or getting help from a psychologist."  

Would you really say any of that and mean it?  

Dear Amy, I'm afraid I don't know what you would decide. But one thing is certain: your parents are doing the right thing by not simply letting you vape.  

Talking to each other instead of punishing

Personally, I believe that a calm discussion would be more effective than a punishment involving a ban on mobile phones. To answer your question: yes, they are allowed to enforce this punishment. How effective it actually is is another matter. Bans often have the opposite effect on young people. This has always been the case. When young people are forbidden from doing something, they are even more likely to do it, usually in secret. As a reaction. As rebellion. As protest.    

As I said, it would be better to talk to each other. Perhaps you know an adult you trust who could help you talk to your parents as a neutral mediator? As their daughter, it would be important for you to think in advance about what you could offer as a «deal».

Consider what you could do with the money you would save by not spending it on vaping.

For example: «I like vaping and I especially enjoy it when I'm outside with my friends. But I understand your concerns. That's why I would be willing to vape only once a week. I'd rather be open with you than keep it a secret. I can't imagine giving it up completely at the moment."  

The courage to say no

Another tip: to motivate yourself to consume less, think about what you could do with the money you would save by not spending it on vaping.

Perhaps you can even persuade your friends to stop. I personally know several young people who are the only ones in their group of friends who don't drink alcohol, smoke or try drugs. At first, they were laughed at. But over time, the group developed great respect for the person who didn't get caught up in it. That takes courage. The courage to say, "No, I don't smoke/drink/use drugs."    

I wish you lots of courage!