«My best friend betrayed me.»

«Ask Sarah!»

Instead of meeting up with me, my best friend has been secretly going mountain biking with another boy in our class for several weeks. I wanted to train with him. When I found out, he denied everything. I don't want anything to do with him anymore. He's so fake. But the problem is that I don't have any other friends and we share the same hobby. What should I do? I'm afraid that now he won't want anything to do with me either.
Tibor, 11

Dear Tibor
First of all, what a great hobby you both have: mountain biking! It combines sport, nature and fun all in one. I completely understand that you want to do it with your best mate. After all, you want to share your passion and enjoyment with your friends.

But now to your problem: you describe how your boyfriend basically betrayed you by taking another boy mountain biking. I'm very sorry to hear that, of course. You must be extremely disappointed in him.

Does he know that? Have you already talked to him about how his behaviour has disappointed you?    

Talk to your friend

That would be my advice to you: talk to him about it. Tell him that you know he goes biking with the other boy. Ask him why he couldn't be honest with you about it. And why the three of you can't go together. Because that would be the most obvious solution, so that you can still be part of the group.    

If he does not give honest answers to these questions, you are entitled to ask him whether your friendship means nothing to him.  

Perhaps the only good thing about disappointment is that, in retrospect, you are no longer disappointed. But it still hurts.

I realise, dear Tibor, that this last question makes you afraid that he no longer wants to be friends with you. But honestly, if it really is the case that he no longer wants anything to do with you, there's not much you can do about it at the moment. It takes two people to make a relationship work. That means if he no longer wants to be part of your friendship, you have to accept it, for better or worse. And then it really would have been nothing more than a fake friendship.        

Perhaps the only good thing about disappointment is that, in retrospect, you are no longer disappointed. But it still hurts.    

Rapid changes

As a child, you change so quickly that at some point you may no longer fit in. Suddenly, you find other children more exciting than the ones you used to play with. Or you find other children funnier or cooler.

But if your friend is still interested in spending time with you, then you have a chance. Because then you can discuss what, when and where you will do together. Maybe the three of you will go mountain biking. And maybe the three of you will become best friends.  

You say you don't have any other friends? Could it be that you're moving up to sixth form next summer? That's a great opportunity to meet new people and make friends. Because everyone who moves up to sixth form is put into a new class. And you have to find your feet again.

Making new friends

Sport is also a great way to make new friends. Is there a mountain biking club near you? If you join, you'll be among like-minded people – children and young people who share your hobby. That creates bonds and is great fun. I recommend trying out a training session at a club like this, as it doesn't cost anything. Except for a little courage at the beginning. But I'm sure you can do it!

And one last tip: take a look around your class or the playground. Is there a boy who often stands alone? How about talking to him and asking him what his hobbies are, where he lives, what he does during the holidays, and so on. Who knows, you might like him more than you expect.

Good luck with the conversation with your best friend!