Food without drama

At dinner, Milian announced: «I'm only going to eat sweets!» It was the culmination of a gradual development. First, the five-year-old only ate pasta plain, without sauce, then he stopped eating cucumbers, tomatoes, apples and even bread rolls. «It was terrible,» remembers his mum Nadja from Graz.

«He was so nasty and criticised everything I put in front of him.» Neither good coaxing nor scolding helped. «I felt completely under pressure. After all, I was told to eat five portions of fruit and vegetables a day.» Nadja passed on the pressure at the family table and the meal became more and more relaxed.

Like Nadja, many mothers and fathers despair about their children's eating behaviour. They worry whether their child is getting the right nutrients and whether the dodgy habits will continue. Milian made good on his promise. He resolutely only ate sweets. The super-GAU for all health-conscious parents.

For a better body image and greater well-being

For Anna from Bern, it was the other way round. Her eleven-year-old daughter ate and ate without feeling full. Her mother had observed this since Sarah was a little girl. When the baby fat didn't disappear at primary school age, her BMI showed that she was overweight and eating became a topic of conflict, Anna knew that she needed support.

There are no rules such as no sweets in the evening or the main course before dessert. Instead, what counts is trust.

The intuitive eating method, which is becoming increasingly popular, has helped both families. Food is not categorised as healthy or unhealthy, everything is allowed at any time. What counts are the body's hunger and satiety signals and the question «How does this agree with me?».

The concept goes back to the US nutritionists Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch, whose anti-diet book «Intuitive Eating» was first published in 1995. It emphasised a mindful relationship with food and one's own body, and many studies have been carried out since then.

A meta-analysis by Deakin University in Australia and Ohio State University in the USA evaluated 97 studies and confirmed the positive influence of intuitive eating on body image, self-esteem and well-being.

Throw healthy eating guidelines overboard

The principle is based on the assumption that we have a body intelligence, an inner nutritional compass. Recently, researchers at the University of Bristol discovered that we choose food to meet our vitamin and mineral requirements and avoid nutrient deficiencies.

In a series of experiments, adults chose one of two pairs of fruit and vegetables. They intuitively favoured «varied» over «monotonous» pairs, i.e. they chose the combinations with a wider range of micronutrients.

No food is healthy or unhealthy per se. For some, leeks are intolerable, for others they are an energiser.

«Humans are originally intuitive eaters,» says Raoul Furlano, Head of the Department of Paediatric Gastroenterology and Nutrition at the University Children's Hospital Basel. Babies turn their heads away when they are full, and children sometimes leave two spoonfuls of yoghurt in the cup. «But children gradually lose this ability and are influenced by what's on offer and the rules,» says Furlano.

«Fortunately, a paradigm shift is currently taking place in nutrition research.» The guidelines for healthy eating are slowly being thrown overboard. Such as: You have to eat five portions of fruit and vegetables a day or you need a certain amount of dairy products.

«A healthy diet is one that is good for the body,» says Furlano. This can be different for every person. «No food is healthy or unhealthy per se.» For one person, leek is intolerable, for another it is an energiser. «Eating should be intuitive, without commands, so that it's enjoyable and the body learns what it needs.»

Allowing this freedom takes effort. Nadja and Anna wanted to give it a try. They came across the German-Swiss coaching start-up Confidimus, which supports families in introducing intuitive eating. The women realised that they wanted to do without exercising power. After all, an eating disorder is more dangerous than a lack of nutrients or an oversupply.

Another article on the topic of eating disorders:

Confidimus does away with rules such as no sweets in the evening, the main course comes before dessert, food must be tasted or even eaten. Instead, what counts is trust.

In concrete terms, it looked like this: Nadja explained to Milian that he could now decide for himself what and how much he ate. She would continue to make him offers, but would not tell him what to do. Then she needed strong nerves. Milian ate ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner. «He ate a lot of sweets for almost three weeks,» says Nadja. Things got better after that.

She left a plate of fruit on the table - and Milian ate it. He suddenly asked for a tangerine. Then for chillies. Pasta returned to his menu, as did his favourite bread rolls. «Milian now has a healthy eating behaviour again and has a balanced diet,» says Nadja.

The crisis with the food refusal is around a year and a half behind them. Milian recently had a phase in which he almost only ate crisps and tried all the different flavours. Nadja continued to rely on intuitive eating. After two weeks, Milian stopped eating crisps of his own accord.

Intuitive nutrition only works if everyone is behind it

Maintaining trust is the key. Nadja's first attempt to introduce intuitive eating failed because her partner was not yet convinced. He put up with his son's excess of sweets for a fortnight, then he said: «That's not possible! It's just too much!» They broke it off.

It was only after they attended a coaching session together that they both got behind the concept. «For it to work, you have to get everyone involved in the parenting process on board,» says Nadja. And also educate those around them about the new rules.

I doubt that children can resist consumer stimuli and listen to their true gut feeling.

Silvia Schmidt, nutritionist

«Once everyone knows, it becomes normal,» says Nadja. The neighbour's boy of the same age, who often comes to visit, was initially completely overwhelmed when Milian proudly helped himself to the sweets drawer without asking. Nowadays, this hardly plays a role for the boys. And when Milian is with other families, he knows that the rules there also apply to him.

When Anna from Bern told her two daughters, 11 and 13, that they could decide for themselves what to eat, their eyes widened. «They asked me if I was serious. When I nodded, I saw a weight lift off them.» Over the next few weeks, Anna was barely able to buy more sweets as quickly as the supplies dwindled. One daughter only ate pasta, the other nothing but meat. Anna had always tried to make sure her meals were balanced and included vegetables. Here, too, the phase was over after a few weeks.

A lot has changed. Anna used to refuse her daughter a third helping of pasta, but now Sarah eats smaller portions and sometimes even leaves some leftovers. Once a week, the eleven-year-old cooks for herself. «She makes oven vegetables with homemade chips or pasta with different sauces,» says her mum. «She really enjoys it and eats a pretty balanced diet.»

Many can no longer distinguish between hunger and appetite

Silvia Schmidt, President of the Swiss Association for Nutritional-Psychological Counselling, explains such effects as follows: «When the pressure is off, the child can start to listen to itself. By making their own decisions, they take responsibility for themselves - that's an incentive.»

She welcomes this more relaxed approach to nutrition. But she finds the concept of intuitive eating too extreme. «I don't think we can do that anymore.» Unhealthy food is always presented more attractively in the shop than healthy food. She doubts that children in a consumer society can resist such stimuli and listen to their true gut instinct.

It is the parents' job to make the right choices. They set the framework within which the children decide.

«You have to be able to perceive your body very well. Unfortunately, we've lost that,» says Silvia Schmidt. In her practice, she sees people every day who can't tell whether they are hungry or have an appetite, whether they need something sweet or savoury. «I believe that if we adults can't do this, it's even more difficult for children. They learn by example.»

Anna tries to set an example of mindfulness for her daughters. She eats more slowly and takes breaks to feel whether she is full. She describes her joy when she enjoys a piece of cake with her coffee. Speaking of cake: The addictive potential of sugar is often a topic of discussion when it comes to intuitive eating.

Children's craving for sweets is evolutionary. Calorie bombs were used for survival, sweet flavours were less dangerous than bitter ones, which could indicate toxins. Paediatrician Furlano is relaxed about the freedom that intuitive eating offers children when it comes to sweets. «If children have a certain amount of choice available to them, they won't eat exclusively sugar.»

It is the parents' task to ensure this choice. They set the framework within which the children decide. If there are potatoes with spinach and fish, there are already three components to choose from. Nadja from Graz puts jam on the table in the evening, as well as sliced vegetables. Milian often doesn't touch the sweet spread - because it's always available anyway. Anna from Bern buys her daughters the sweets they want as a weekly supply. The girls decide when they want to eat them.

The most important thing for both mums is the balance that their families have found again. Relaxing while eating. «I've become much more relaxed,» says Anna. «I've got used to comments and scrutinising glances. It's no longer just about eating at the table. We have room for other topics. And there are enough of those with two teenagers.»