Do something good for yourself

1. tell yourself «I like me»

This may sound a bit strange or conceited, but it helps. Try to explicitly tell yourself a few times a day that you like yourself.
You can do this by saying sentences like:
- «I'm actually pretty cool.»
- «I am a valuable person, I like myself.»
- «I am a lovable person.»
It's best to say these sentences to yourself as soon as you get up or before you go to bed. It's always worth a try. Just say to yourself: «If it doesn't help, it won't hurt.»

2. make peace with the less good sides of yourself

Sure, you're not perfect. Nobody is. There are certainly things about you that you don't like. Try to change the characteristics that you can/want to change and accept those that you can't/won't change. Concentrate on the most important things. To make peace with the less good aspects of yourself, you can do the following, for example: Take a piece of paper and write down which of your characteristics bother you the most. Now you have something tangible, in black and white. Pick up the list every day and read out loud line by line: «I forgive myself that ...» After a while, you can continue with the second point: «I forgive myself that ...» And so on.

«I am a valuable person, I like myself.»

3. write a love letter

Think about what is endearing about you. Imagine someone who likes you were to write you a love letter. What would it say? Which of your qualities would this person particularly like? Now try to write yourself a letter like this. Once you have done this, read it through from time to time. You can also change it again over time or add something to it.

4. find something positive in every person

It is also important that you can accept and appreciate the positive sides of other people. Look at the people around you and find out what you like about them. If you can appreciate the positive aspects of others, it will also be easier for you to recognise and appreciate your own positive aspects.

5. praise yourself for small steps forward

If you want to change something, don't take on too much at once. Instead, set yourself small (interim) goals. One such goal could be to learn to accept compliments. For example, if someone tells you that you have good taste in clothes, don't question the statement. Say thank you and be happy about it. If you realise that you have achieved a goal, you can congratulate yourself for it. Because having goals and achieving them is not always easy.

6. keep a plus points booklet

In this booklet you can write down every day what positive things others have said to you, e.g. compliments, praise, encouragement, what successes you have achieved recently and what you are good at. You can then look up your positive points from time to time. That way you won't forget them again.

«I deserve to be well
I'm doing well.»

7 Your right to feel good

People with a healthy self-confidence are convinced that they deserve the positive things they experience. They also don't feel they have to be perfect to deserve good and beautiful things. You can learn to think this way too. Stand in front of a mirror and say to yourself: «I deserve to do well.»

8. make yourself an «I can» thinker

Have you been afraid and not done things because you thought you weren't capable? Where do you get the certainty that you can't do something if you haven't even tried? It's not for nothing that they say «the proof of the pudding is in the eating». So, as soon as your little guest whispers in your ear that you can't do something, contradict them and say: «I'll try. I can do it!» If something doesn't work after the third attempt, you can always think about giving up. At least you've tried. You will definitely succeed at one thing or another and experience a sense of achievement.

(Source: Rolf Merkle: How to gain more self-confidence. Publisher Pal, 2003, page 192).

More on the topic of self-love:

• «Self-love helps you feel good»: developmental psychologist Ulrich Orth knows how healthy self-esteem develops in children and young people.