«Courage needs self-confidence above all»

My husband and my boys are very sporty. For them, courage has a lot to do with physical performance. It's often about who is the fastest, who jumps the furthest or who climbs the highest tree. I think it's courageous to stand up for yourself or to stand up for someone else. So we have very different definitions of courage. I think that's okay. Because we agree that courage can have many facets.

I asked my children if they thought they were brave, and they came up with different answers. My nine-year-old son doesn't see himself as brave because he's less physically confident than his brothers and isn't always the fastest. On the other hand, he is very good at showing his limits and saying no. Again, I think that's very brave. However, he doesn't see it that way. Perhaps his perception of this is still changing.

Our six-year-old son stood up for his older brother. That was really brave. I hope he keeps it up.

The other two define courage largely in physical terms. When talking to my children, I realised that it is not self-explanatory what it means to be courageous. Everyone understands and shows courage differently. One on a physical level, the other in a social context.

I think courage has a lot to do with a person's personality on the one hand and, on the other, with what shapes us and what experiences we have in the course of our lives. And these can be very different, even if you belong to the same family. For example, if a child is in a forest playgroup and is cheered on by all the children to jump over a river, it learns that being brave means jumping over a river. The siblings may not have this experience and may interpret courage differently.

To be able to be courageous at all - no matter how - you need good self-confidence. We always try to show our children that we have confidence in them and trust them. Tell them «you can do it». I think that goes a long way. We support them in speaking their mind. Of course, as a mum, that can sometimes lead to you getting a little bit of a talking-to yourself.

The other day I had an argument with one of my sons and got loud. Suddenly, my youngest came up to me and said that I should stop swearing because otherwise I would scare his brother. I felt caught out and stopped. Then I said to him that I thought what he had just done was totally cool and brave. As a six-year-old, he had the courage to tell me that I wasn't doing something right and stood up for his brother. I hope he keeps that up.