«I stole money from my mum»

«Why don't you ask Sarah?»

I did something bad. I took money out of my mum's pocket. Now I don't know if she found out. She hasn't said anything, but she's been looking at me funny for two days. I feel so guilty that I feel really sick when I'm at home. What am I supposed to do? I've already spent the money on sweets. My friends really wanted me to bring them something to school. But it's still my fault.
Simea, 12

Dear Simea
It's clear from your words how heavy the burden of what you did weighs on you. Your mum looks at you strangely and you also feel sick all the time - that shows how big your guilty conscience is. If I understand you correctly, you totally regret what you did. It's good that you're seeking help and writing about your problem - that will certainly bring you some relief. And you'll feel even better if you talk to your mum about it.

Because you should definitely do that. It might not be very pleasant for you to talk about it. What you did wasn't okay, of course. But there are much worse things than that. Look, you didn't rob a bank or attack and hurt a person. But first things first.

I assume you wanted to do this for your friends so that they are happy with you and want to have you in their group or perhaps accept you even better? People often do a lot just to be loved or liked. It's completely normal to want to belong. Especially if you go to school with the others. But the price you pay for this can simply be too high - as in your case.

They're not real friends if they demand things from you that you can't fulfil.

It must have been impossible for you to tell them: «No, I can't do that. I don't have any money for sweets», right? Would they have put you down or laughed at you? I would understand why you didn't want to risk that. After all, who wants to be excluded or put down? What happened to you is called «peer pressure» - you suddenly do things that you would never do otherwise just because the group makes you do them.

Unfortunately, I have to tell you that they're not real friends if they demand things from you that you can't fulfil. Or if they even pester you about it. They would only be good friends if they accepted you for who you are. Even without sweets.

Be honest and explain everything

I really hope you can sort this out with your friends. You don't have to bring things just to please them. Or to pass a test of courage. It's quite possible that your mates didn't even think about it when they asked you for the sweets. Then it shouldn't be a problem to explain to them that you won't do that again. Another option would be to look around to see if you could perhaps socialise with other girls and make new friends.

But now we come to the more important part: you should definitely explain everything to your mum. Please be completely honest with her and tell her how it came about that you needed money in the first place. Tell her why you didn't have the courage to ask her for money for these sweets.

I'm sure your mum will understand if you realise your mistake and show how much you regret the whole thing. Offer to make amends for what you did. Maybe you can do some housework for your mum, help her with the cleaning, washing or cooking?

I think it's important that you don't wait until your mum asks you what's actually going on. She's obviously noticed that you're in a different mood and is looking at you strangely because of it. Try to take the first step yourself.

I realise that this takes a lot of courage - but you'll feel much better afterwards, it's worth it!