«Children must learn to fail»
Mr Gray, you recently wrote that the increase in mental disorders in childhood is more to do with parental overprotection than with the consequences of the coronavirus pandemic.
I cite the loss of freedom as the primary reason for the deterioration in children's well-being - this is strongly, but not exclusively, linked to parental overprotection. In the USA, the number of children and adolescents affected by anxiety disorders and depression as well as suicide rates in this group have reached an all-time high. Studies show similar trends in European countries. We believe that this is linked to the decline in opportunities to move freely as a child.
What are you thinking about?
Free play with peers and other autonomous activities such as using public transport on their own, walking to school independently, running errands or doing a pocket money job.
Children who spend a lot of time playing unsupervised have a higher self-esteem as adults.
Why are such experiences so important for children?
Because they are central to the development of a resilient psyche. We know that children who spent a lot of time playing unsupervised in primary school have better physical and mental health and higher self-esteem as adults than their peers who had less opportunity to do so in childhood. Studies - including one from Switzerland - also suggest that supervised play is not an equivalent substitute for free roaming with other children.
In what way?
The Swiss study compared five-year-olds who were unable to play outside unsupervised due to a busy residential area with children of the same age who had frequent opportunities to do so. The children in the second group spent twice as much time outdoors, had better motor and social skills and twice as many friends. It was also found that trips to the playground with parents could not compensate for the lack of free play and the associated disadvantages.
Why not?
Firstly, parents had too little time or patience to spend longer with their children in such places; secondly, there were always other children of the same age there; thirdly, parks offered a smaller variety of play opportunities than neighbourhoods where children dragged their own things outside. Fourthly, the presence of parents discouraged children from playing more physical or risky games - which are considered particularly beneficial for emotional development.
An overprotective parenting style increases the risk of anxiety disorders and depression later in life.
You have to explain that.
Play experiences in which children expose themselves to a somewhat frightening situation, for example by climbing a tall tree, are very effective in reducing susceptibility to phobias or fears. They strengthen the child's self-confidence and reinforce their belief that they can cope with difficult situations. Children need to realise that they can survive. An overprotective parenting style that restricts such possibilities too much increases the risk of anxiety disorders and depression later on.
You say that more and more children are affected by this restriction.
This is the result of a large number of studies. Sociologist Markella Rutherford, for example, has analysed hundreds of articles and advice columns from US magazines on the subject of parenting. Her media analysis spans over 50 years and shows how the view of children has changed: While older articles paint a picture of a society that perceives children as capable, resilient and responsible, more recent content suggests that children must first and foremost be protected from danger and that many things can go wrong if we don't encourage them.
Where does this attitude come from?
The change began in the 1960s, when television conquered living rooms and sports clubs became popular. Both led to a loss of free play, which became more drastic from the 1980s onwards. There are various reasons for this: Starting with the media campaigns and individual cases of child abduction through to economic developments that widened the gap between rich and poor and promoted an attitude of maximum striving for success. This suggests that children need to be invested in if they are to become something. Children today are in many ways more limited than ever, but the problem is overlooked.
Children today are freer in many respects, but where freedom is really important, it has diminished.
Why?
Because the changes that led to this came gradually. Children today are freer when it comes to what they want to eat or wear. Where freedom is really important, it has decreased dramatically - in terms of opportunities to participate in activities away from adults that involve a certain degree of risk and personal responsibility. We are dealing with an evolutionary discrepancy.
What do you mean by that?
The contrast between the original conditions in which children developed over centuries and the environment today. They obviously lack the learning experiences to train social skills or so-called executive functions, which help us to regulate emotions, stay on task and look for solutions.
Do you have an example?
Children used to look after siblings, look after animals, help with cooking and crafts. Current research also shows how children benefit from learning to stand on their own two feet: Studies conclude, for example, that teenagers with a temporary job are happier than their peers without one. According to their own statements, this satisfaction is not only due to the money, but also to the increased autonomy. We also find these positive effects on well-being in children who walk to school alone or help out at home.
Parents can therefore give their children back some of their autonomy.
Yes, by not taking everything off their hands, by believing in them, by encouraging them to co-operate and play freely. And by being confident that they can cope with hurt feelings, frustration and small risks. Children need to learn to fail. Otherwise, not only they but also society will have a problem later on.
