An autism assistance dog for Liam
Life with our autistic son is a journey full of small and big joys. Every day we face new challenges, make progress and experience setbacks. It is an everyday life that teaches us to live patience, flexibility and unconditional love in new ways.
Sometimes it's the inconspicuous moments that bring us the greatest joy. For example, when Liam delights us with his special interests. He knows which «breed» each of his dinosaurs is. And he «reads» Lego operating instructions like other people read books. Liam has a way of becoming so engrossed in a subject that he infects us with his enthusiasm.
The special connections he makes with individual people are also a joy. These relationships may be selective and rare. But when they do, they are intense, genuine and full of trust. In his older brother's ice hockey team, he has formed a special bond with the father of one of the other players. He is allowed to touch him and «fool around» with him. We are quick to say: «I don't like jokes because I don't understand them.» The beaming smile on his face when he has achieved something that was difficult for him fills us with pride and happiness every time.
The major challenges
Liam is autistic with a PDA profile (Pathological Demand Avoidance). People with PDA symptoms have a pronounced need for autonomy and control. They avoid everyday demands with such intensity and vehemence that their quality of life suffers considerably. This profile within the autism spectrum requires a great deal of empathy from us. Our son often perceives even simple demands as a threat. Things that are commonplace for other children - brushing his teeth, putting on his shoes or going to nursery school - can cause him stress, which manifests itself in extreme rejection or anger.
We had to learn that conventional parenting methods don't work with our son. Pressure or strict rules only lead to more resistance. Instead, it's about finding a balance between flexibility and security, also out of fairness to his older brother. It requires creativity to turn everyday tasks into a game or a challenge that he perceives as self-determined.
Another difficulty is the unpredictability. One day a certain approach works wonderfully, the next day it leads to a complete breakdown. This unpredictability can be frustrating, but it also teaches us to be present in every moment and to constantly adapt to Liam's needs.
The small victories
The outside world is often another hurdle. Many people don't understand why our son reacts differently or why we avoid certain situations. For example, Liam laughs at completely inappropriate moments. When we walk past people, he may touch them just like that. He may hug people he has only seen once or want to give them a kiss. If I want to vacuum, he has to put on his Pamir, in the shower he needs Oropax. It is a constant task to create understanding for his behaviour and to protect ourselves at the same time.
Our son has shown us how valuable it is to be authentic.
With every challenge comes small victories. A day when our son willingly tries a new food without feeling overwhelmed is a cause for celebration. A moment when he tells us how he feels gives us hope and shows that he is making progress.
A particularly moving moment was when he once said to us: «I'm sorry that I am the way I am. Thank you for liking me anyway.» These words showed us that he not only recognises his own differences, but also feels our love - a love that accepts him exactly as he is.
The great pleasures
In addition to the small joys, there are also the big ones that enrich our lives in the long term. Our son has shown us how valuable it is to be authentic. His honesty and directness are inspiring. He is simply himself - something we can learn from him.
He taught us that being different is not a weakness, but a strength. His perspective on the world is unique and through him we have learnt to question things and be more open to diversity. Life with our son has slowed us down and taught us to be more aware of small moments. We have learnt that progress is not linear and that setbacks are part of the journey.
We have also started to scrutinise our own expectations. We said goodbye to the idea of what a «normal» everyday life should look like. Instead, we have created an everyday life that suits our son. This means that we do some things differently to other families - and that's okay.
A journey that challenges and enriches
At the cinema or in the fun park, Liam may have his hearing protection on. We sit at the dining table and Liam eats with his plate next to us on the floor with his fingers. He has longer screen time than other children as it's the only way to calm him down and keep him focussed on something for longer. Studies have even shown that screen time reduces stress in PDA children.
What we have also learnt is how important self-care is. It's not always easy to find the energy that our son needs. That's why we consciously take time to recharge our own batteries.
Life with our autistic son and his PDA profile is a journey that challenges us, but also enriches us. It is a life that teaches us to focus on the essentials: Love, patience and the ability to accept each other for who we are.
Even if it's not always easy, we would never trade our situation for anything. Because every moment - whether challenging or joyful - is part of what makes us unique as a family. We love our son for who he is and are grateful that he enriches our lives in his own special way.
Fundraising campaign
Liam is not very interested in other children. However, he approaches dogs of his own accord. With an assistance dog, he would have a friend as well as a helper in everyday life. And a watchdog in road traffic so that he doesn't keep running into the road without paying attention to the cars. We are convinced that an assistance dog would reduce or even prevent his tantrums. A dog in his bed would help Liam with his sleep problems. Daily walks and grooming would allow him to concentrate on something for longer. His furry friend would motivate and support him during his therapies.
There are two foundations in Switzerland that train autism assistance dogs for children. The waiting period for both is around two years. In addition, dogs are only given to children before their 9th birthday. As Liam is already seven years old, this path is closed to him. This is one of the reasons why we turned to the organisation Partner-Hunde in Austria. Here, the age of the children is irrelevant, the waiting period is 12 to 18 months and the dog belongs to the family.
A fully trained assistance dog costs 24,500 euros. We would also have to complete a 14-day team training course on site as a family. Stay and accommodation are not included in this price.
The total costs of CHF 30,000 far exceed our financial resources. For this reason, we have launched a fundraising campaign on the crowdfunding platform «Gofundme». We would be delighted to receive any amount, however small, and thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your support.
