Aggression in the family

In the past, the explanation for individual problems was sought exclusively within the individual - in childhood experiences, chemical reactions in the brain or other internal processes.

However, even the experts among us are now focussing their attention on relationships within the family. This alone is not progress, as long as we do not abandon the traditional view that something is wrong or out of order when we are not doing well. Because that would mean seeing the family as the root of all evil, as the place where all our problems originate - an idea that is as useless as it is «anti-family».

Not a defect, but a fault

Children show maximum loyalty to their parents. This is why conflicts within the family often do not occur at home.

Loyalty is particularly pronounced in children. Children show maximum loyalty to their parents. This is why conflicts within the family often do not arise at home, but at school or in other childcare facilities.

Teachers who report problems that parents are completely unaware of are often met with great scepticism. However, they usually bring up important issues that the parents are unaware of because the children are simply too loyal to deal with their conflicts within their own four walls. This is particularly true for families whose culture of conflict and disagreement is not very well developed.

Most of us know what it means to feel valuable to others through our relationship with our children, as it is of central importance for us to feel like good parents. However, our need to see ourselves as good partners and friends is no less pronounced.

Signals for faults

The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is resignation.

Suppressed and pure emotions

Adults also often express their initial irritation indirectly. For example, many women have learnt that it is not very feminine to give free rein to their anger. So they show themselves hurt and depressed. Men who suppress their true feelings often become grumpy, taciturn and disgruntled.

Nevertheless, our emotions are most often expressed in their pure form. All families are familiar with phases of general irritability. People quickly clash, argue for seemingly no reason and have the same conflicts over and over again.

If the relationship between parents and children is dominated by aggressive feelings, you should realise that 99.9 percent of parents love their children more than anything in the world. And there are no children who do not love their parents more than anything. Of course, there are families in which this is difficult to recognise because everyone behaves as if they can't stand each other. This is often a sign that their need to feel valuable to others is not being met, which is a frustrating experience.