9 things I wish I had known when I was 18

The time has come. My second child is also officially an adult on paper. As a mum, this makes your heart warm and cold at the same time. Warm, because I look back with love on how the helpless infant has grown into a great young man. Yes, it fills me with joy and also a little pride to have completed another round.

Cold, because it suddenly happened so damn quickly and it becomes clear: It also means saying goodbye to a time together that will never return in this form.

So I asked myself: What would I have liked to have known at his age that I only realised much later and would have been really helpful? Here are my answers.

1. life is a pony farm

«Now the serious side of life begins. Get down on your knees. Go full throttle. Get a diploma. And then another one. After all, life is not a pony farm.» These are the maxims of our meritocracy. Wrong. Life is indeed a pony farm.

You decide whether your pony is a black, grey, donkey or unicorn.

You alone decide whether you ride through life with your pony at a walk, trot or canter. Whether you lead it to the water trough, let it graze, lie down next to it in lush meadows or stay on parched ground. Whether your pony is a black, grey, donkey or unicorn. Trust your pony and follow him.

2. sex is not a drive, but communication

I don't envy today's boys. At the age of 18, they have seen almost everything there is to see when it comes to sex acrobatics. We too were insecure, just like every generation on the cusp of this great adventure. It seems to me that the pressure to perform has intensified.

So to put it plainly: No, the majority of porn has nothing to do with lived sexuality and certainly nothing to do with intimacy. And sex is not simply an animal instinct that you are endowed with and that's that.

You can't just have sex. We learn it. Step by step. With ourselves and our partner. It is a wonderful journey of discovery that opens up anew at every stage of life. Sex is not an instinct, but communication.

3 I don't have to do everything on my own

The question itself would be so simple: «You, I can't do this on my own. Can you help me?» Why do we find this so difficult? Why do so many women and men assume that they should be able to manage everything themselves? Absolute nonsense and not a sign of strength. On the contrary: those who clearly formulate their needs, questions and demands have it so much easier in life.

4. women are cyclical beings (men too)

Between menarche and the menopause, a woman goes through around 390 menstrual cycles. Calculated in one go, she bleeds for almost five and a half years. That's around 2000 days. So it's far too significant to ignore.

Women are cyclical beings. What does that mean? They go through four different phases every month, the so-called inner four seasons, each with their own instructive and extremely exciting qualities.

The female cycle can be used as an inner compass that makes life a million times easier, more relaxed and more pleasurable. Curious to find out more? Then find out more from cycle mentor Josianne Hosner here.

An article about the first menstruation:

Cycle knowledge provides much more understanding between the sexes and many an aha experience. Even if men don't have this bonus, they too can live in harmony with natural cycles such as the seasons or phases of the moon. Oh, what I would have given for this knowledge when I was 18!

5. how to complete a tax return

Even today, I still can't do it without help and, after delegating it to my ex-husband for almost 20 years, I'm still reluctant to tackle the subject. I put it off forever, have what feels like a hundred sleepless nights because of it, only to realise in amazement every time that - once you have all the documents together - the whole thing would be done in one or two hours.

We never learn more than from mistakes.

Between probability calculations, Goethe's Faust, Petit Prince and Dante's Divina Commedia, I would have preferred a few lessons in tax returns at grammar school. Even if I would have vehemently rejected it at the time.

6. lovesickness passes

We'll be jubilant and saddened to death the next moment. Ah, the many misunderstandings, the drama, the great certainty that the sun will definitely not rise the next day and eternal night will envelop our hearts. By the age of 25 at the latest, the neuronal hullabaloo is over. New charges are coming, but not quite so fatalistic. I promise.

7. mistakes are friends

Is it to do with our precision clocks? With our Swiss punctuality or why on earth do we find making mistakes so bad in Switzerland? What is celebrated in the American way of life fills young and old here with great unease, even panic. It's shameful. We don't do that. Ha, what a load of rubbish! Fall down, get up, straighten your crown, move on. We never learn more than from our mistakes.

8 It gets better later

Spoiler: It won't. Life is like a river. You never swim in the same water twice. One challenge is followed by the next. Later on, you'll be dealing with different things than today. But life is always as good as you make it.

Comparisons with other biographies are like rotten eggs: they stink to high heaven and are completely inedible.

Forget this «if-then thinking»: Once I've done this, everything will be better, nicer, easier. If that hadn't been the case, then... Looking back, the time between 18 and 25 may have been your best. Let the future be the future and anchor yourself in the now. That's where you get the strength for change and for your life.

9. comparisons are like rotten eggs

You squint to the left, you squint to the right. Social media makes you believe that everyone else is leading a much more successful and attractive life. Total rubbish! Cheer up, straighten your back and get going: It's your unique life. You go your own way at your own pace and learn what you need to learn (or not) along the way. Comparisons with other biographies are like rotten eggs: they stink to high heaven and are completely unpalatable. Get rid of them!