Why I wish all parents a Laura

Dear Laura

It was a year ago today. I still remember it like it was yesterday: Lying there with two other women in a cramped hospital room. The three of us whispering to our newborns through our masks, marvelling at them and stroking them. If only we could share the magic of these first days of life with our partners! But due to the coronavirus, visiting times are restricted, which is a disaster. I long for home, for cosiness.

«Laura wants me to give you this,» my husband says as he comes in and holds your thermos flask out to me. He takes a soup plate and spoon out of his rucksack and opens the lid. The aroma of the fresh chicken broth with crunchy vegetables and homemade noodles brings tears to my eyes. It brings back memories of my childhood days: when my brother and I were sick in bed and my mum nursed us up with steaming chicken broth. And suddenly, for a moment, in the middle of the cramped, hectic, sterile hospital room, a bit of homeliness returns. Sometimes the smallest gestures mean the world.

The smell of fresh chicken broth brought a touch of cosiness to the hospital room. And I was in tears.

In the meantime, the thermos flask is back in your kitchen cupboard - in the flat below ours. It's crazy that we're neighbours today and have children of a similar age, isn't it? When I think that a good 20 years ago we were still at school together and somehow lost sight of each other after leaving school in Germany. I mean, how likely is it that you'll meet up again years later in Switzerland and even live in the same house?

Life has done something right! Because it is said everywhere that you need a whole village to raise a child. But if that village - the grandparents, uncles and aunts - is hundreds of kilometres away, then you need someone like you, Laura.

A Laura who supports you in everyday life

Being a parent means having to keep many balls in the air at the same time: looking after the children, coping with unprecedented insecurities and worries, not neglecting the partnership, balancing work and childcare, running the household and not completely losing sight of the much-vaunted «self-care». And all this with an acute lack of sleep! No matter how meticulously you plan and coordinate as parents, all it takes is for something unforeseen to come up - a sick child, a work appointment that can't be postponed - and you're in a sweat.

How valuable it is to have someone like you! Someone who says: «Just bring me the little one, then you can go to your appointment in peace.» Someone who has just hung up the last load of washing for you because they're «about to do it anyway» and can see that you're having a busy day. Someone who leaves the medication on your doorstep when your child is ill.

A kind soul who listens when your baby cries for hours in the evening during a developmental spurt - and brings you a fortifying dinner as a precaution instead of banging on the ceiling with a broomstick. A friend who always says, «Oh, you don't have to buy that separately, you can borrow it from us» when it comes to big and small purchases for the children.

A Laura with a loving look

When you become parents, everyone suddenly has an opinion. It starts with questions like: «So, is he sleeping through the night yet?», «When are you actually going back to work?», «What, are you still breastfeeding?», «Have you got a place in a crèche yet? Why (not)?».

It continues with overly simplistic advice and comparisons of the following kind: «Well, my children were already able to do this at this age», «You just have to put the blind down, put the child down without much fuss, then it will be fine» or «You just have to be consistent». The highlight is «life wisdom» about the development of children, such as «How you pull them, that's how you have them».

How relieving it is to have a Laura who looks at you as a mum with a loving eye and doesn't put you in a box! Someone who never turns her nose up at the crumbs on the floor and the toy chaos in your home and who you can open the door to in your pyjamas at lunchtime without feeling ashamed because you haven't done anything today.

A person who senses whether you really need advice or just a sympathetic ear to talk through your frustrations and worries. Someone who reminds you that difficult phases will pass - and with whom you can laugh about your own quirks and those of your children.

A family whose doors are open

When I think of my own childhood, I think of us «children from the Ulrichsiedlung». There were my grandparents in the house opposite, the old neighbour who looked out of the window all day and watched us with curiosity, and the neighbour's children, who you went in and out of as a matter of course.

I find it sad that many small families today are much more isolated and on their own - especially in the cities.

They say you need a whole village to raise a child. But if that village is hundreds of kilometres away, you need someone like Laura.

I wish all these families a Laura: a home where you always feel welcome. People outside your own family who smile at your child and treat them as lovingly as if they were their own. And who give your children the feeling: Interest, care and trust don't stop at the doorstep of your own family.

Dear Laura, my first year as a mum has been filled with endless moments of happiness and a few challenges. I am so glad that you were there and shared all of this with me.

If we are all a little more «Laura» for each other, parenting becomes easier. Thank you for inspiring me again and again.