Marcel* and his mates are bored. The teenagers come up with the idea of stealing from a shop. At first, they only take small items such as sweets. Over time, they become bolder and steal electronic devices. But then one of them gets caught: the police arrive, charges are pressed and there is big trouble with their parents. Marcel and his friends have had enough: they decide not to steal anything else in future.
According to the Federal Statistical Office, theft is the most common offence committed by young people. According to a study conducted by the Zurich University of Applied Sciences (ZHAW) in 2022, 15 per cent of the young people surveyed had stolen something within the last year. Theft is therefore an issue for many young people.
Curiosity, desire for recognition or peer pressure
«Some only steal once or a few times and take items of little value. Many have a moral compass and find their way back to a socially acceptable path,» says Anja Meinetsberger, social worker and head of the Contact youth and family counselling service in Lucerne. «But it can also happen that young people steal more valuable items or commit theft repeatedly.»
There are many reasons for this. Often, curiosity, a dare or the desire to have fun are behind it. «In addition, young people have a strong need to belong. Often, it's about gaining recognition through theft or stolen items,» explains Ina Blanc. She is a specialist psychologist for child and adolescent psychiatry in private practice and head of further education in child and adolescent psychology at the University of Basel.
Young people often value short-term rewards more than long-term consequences.
Ina Blanc, psychologist
«Young people often give in to peer pressure. Many find it difficult to say no.» Or their desire to have something is too strong and their impulse control is still too weak. «This also has to do with brain development,» says the psychologist. «Young people live very much in the moment, so short-term rewards are often more important than long-term consequences.»
Sometimes stealing is caused by low self-esteem or family problems. Take Laura*, 14, who was caught stealing a designer T-shirt. During counselling, the reasons for her actions became clear: she often feels insecure and doesn't have any good friends at school. She hopes that the clothes will give her more recognition and a sense of belonging.
Provocation, revenge or rebellion
Other young people feel that they receive too little attention or affection from their parents. «Stealing then shows: something is missing, I need help,» says Ina Blanc.
And then there are young people who actually have little money at their disposal. Or those whose parents repeatedly deny them their wishes. «Stealing is rarely used to finance an addiction or an expensive hobby,» reports Anja Meinetsberger from her counselling practice. Other reasons for theft may be that a young person wants to provoke others, take revenge or rebel against social rules.
When parents find out that their child has stolen something, they are often shocked or angry. Anja Meinetsberger understands that their initial reaction is to condemn their child's behaviour and punish them, but she believes this is not very helpful. «However, they should not trivialise or cover up the theft either,» says the social worker.
But how can mothers and fathers respond appropriately to the situation – so that their child stops stealing in future? «First of all, you should calm down and realise that most thefts are relatively harmless and that this behaviour will not continue for long. Young people are still developing: they try new things, make mistakes and sometimes do things they shouldn't,» says Meinetsberger.
See missteps as opportunities to learn something from them
In addition, theft is also an opportunity to start a conversation and motivate your child to do things differently in the future , says Ina Blanc. «It is therefore important that parents talk to their child and take the time to do so. They should listen and try to understand their behaviour. They can ask, «What was the reason you stole that?» At the same time, they should also make it clear that it is not okay to take things from other people.»
Parents and children can work together to find solutions that suit everyone. «It can also be helpful to ask questions to encourage empathy and foresight in your son or daughter, such as: «What values are important to you?»» says Blanc. Parents should also appreciate it when their child is honest and admits to mistakes or needs behind the act. In addition, they can explain the legal consequences of theft.
«If low self-esteem is the reason for the theft, parents should convey to their child that they are lovable just as they are and try to show them where their strengths lie,» emphasises Anja Meinetsberger. «Overall, it is important that they keep in mind what the young person needs for healthy development. Of course, this can be challenging at times.»
It is important that young people take responsibility for theft and make amends for the damage they have caused. «They should return the stolen items and not benefit from them,» says Ina Blanc. «Making amends could involve reimbursing the damage with money they have earned themselves and apologising in person or in writing.»
Some very positive developments
The discussions often help young people to reflect on their mistakes, rethink their attitudes and change their behaviour. Laura, for example, found a part-time job so that she could earn her own money. Now she can buy her own clothes. «In some cases, this can lead to very positive developments,» says Blanc. «For example, the young people may now be particularly helpful, take on social responsibilities or strive to be honest.»
However, after a theft, mothers and fathers often don't know what to do or at least need advice. «Parents can contact a youth and family counselling centre, an educational counselling centre or a child and youth psychological counselling service at any time,» says Meinetsberger. There, the individual situation is first assessed in a conversation, and depending on the needs, more comprehensive counselling or psychotherapy may follow.
Blanc and her colleagues take a systemic approach to therapy, working with both the young person and their parents and taking a closer look at family relationships. «It's also important for young people to learn to delay gratification and say no,» says the psychologist.
Matteo*, who often shoplifted with his gang, managed to say, «I'm not doing it anymore.» And he had good reasons for doing so: «I don't want any more trouble with the police or my parents. And I don't want to lose my apprenticeship.»
If there is a more profound problem
But parents should also be prepared to question their behaviour. «Sometimes it is necessary for them to be more aware of their children's needs and respond to them more,» says Blanc. «Does a young person want more appreciation and recognition, or more quality time with their parents? Or do they want something that their parents reject as nonsense, but which is popular among their friends? In that case, it may make sense to grant your child such a wish from time to time.»
Some young people steal repeatedly or commit more serious thefts. «If discussions, punishments and other measures don't work, there may be a deeper problem or mental disorder underlying the behaviour,» says Blanc. In such cases , parents should seek further support for their child, such as psychological counselling or psychotherapy.
In serious cases, we sometimes advise parents to report the matter to the police. This is the best way to help the child.
Anja Meinetsberger, social worker
Young people with antisocial personality disorder, for example, tend not to follow rules and show little remorse after their actions. In addition to theft, they often commit other crimes, such as assault. «In such cases, we sometimes advise parents to report the offence themselves,» says Meinetsberger. «This way, the young people receive measures from the youth prosecution service that are designed to support them in their development in the best possible way and teach them what is right and wrong.»
Then there are cases where young people steal because they cannot help themselves: when they suffer from kleptomania. Take 16-year-old Reto*, for example: «He repeatedly stole office supplies from his workplace, even though he had been warned several times,» reports Leonardo Vertone, chief psychologist and co-director of the Centre for Child and Adolescent Forensics at the Psychiatric University Hospital in Zurich. Or Anna*, 15, who notoriously stole cosmetics from shops even though she had firmly resolved not to do so.
Kleptomania is a rare mental illness in which sufferers feel an irresistible urge to steal. They often continue to do so despite negative consequences. The items are not important to them – they often throw them away or hoard them. Only about 0.3 to 0.6 per cent of people suffer from kleptomania. Symptoms usually begin in adolescence, and women are three times more likely to be affected than men.
«Parents often notice repeated stealing sooner or later,» says psychologist Vertone. «Many are then at a loss and desperate. And because the disorder is so rare, they usually don't know what's wrong with their child.» In principle, the same applies to kleptomania as to other types of theft: «Parents should set clear rules, seek dialogue and be patient even if their child reacts dismissively or defiantly,» says the psychologist. «In any case, it makes sense to seek further support, for example from a counselling centre.»
Learning strategies to control impulses
Young people with kleptomania are referred to child and adolescent forensic services because they attract attention through repeated, inexplicable thefts. «We talk to them, look at their files and prepare a psychiatric-psychological assessment,» says Vertone. If kleptomania is diagnosed, the authorities order treatment, which can be outpatient or inpatient, depending on the risk of relapse. «We usually prefer outpatient treatment because it has less of an impact on the young people's everyday lives,» says the psychologist.
Young people with kleptomania often suffer from psychological stress, for example at school or within the family. Or they may have other mental illnesses such as depression or borderline personality disorder. «The most helpful treatment is psychotherapy, which addresses the symptoms and stress factors. This often reduces the urge to steal,» explains Vertone. «At the same time, young people learn strategies to better control their impulses.»
To date, there have been no controlled studies on the effectiveness of therapies. «But our experience shows that psychotherapy and consistent perseverance lead to good results,» says the psychologist. Often, young people are able to cope with everyday life again without therapy. This was the case for Reto and Anna: both were able to overcome their urge to steal. Reto found a new apprenticeship and Anna was able to go back to school regularly.
*all cases were described by the experts interviewed for this text. The names of the young people have been changed by the editors.
What should parents pay attention to so that children do not steal?
- Teach your child early on that things belong to other people and that it is not okay to just take them. Children understand the difference between «mine» and «yours» from around the age of 4 to 5.
- Teach your child that it is important to respect other people, to be honest and not to hurt anyone.
- Be a good role model yourself . This means not stealing, respecting property and being honest.
- Teach your child the importance of money: that everything costs money and that parents work to earn it.
- Encourage your child's ability to empathise with others. For example, by asking what feelings it triggers in someone when something is stolen from them.
- Studies have shown that an authoritative parenting style is most helpful in preventing children and young people from becoming delinquent. Parents raise their children with lots of love and warmth, but also set clear rules, explain them and ensure that they are followed. What's more, if parents show interest in their children and are well informed about what they do in their free time, the risk of their children becoming criminals decreases.
