When is a child ready for kindergarten?

Mrs Stamm, what is the best way for parents to support their kindergarten child?

By adapting to the rhythm and needs of their child. For some mums and dads, this may sound a bit «bünzlig», because after all, many children fit into their parents' agenda without any problems. Nevertheless, a child needs a lot of time to get used to the new structures.

What are the biggest challenges for a child when they start kindergarten?

Acclimatising to a large, heterogeneous group and the ability to hold back, control or postpone their needs and deal with their frustrations are the biggest challenges for a kindergarten child. Sometimes there are also difficulties with language and motor skills. These skills are the basis for the development of good self-esteem, thanks to which the child can cope well in a group. If they manage this transition, they will be able to cope well and successfully with challenging situations in the future.

How do parents know if their child is ready for kindergarten?

I don't really like the word «kindergarten readiness». I prefer to speak of «kindergarten readiness» because I believe that criteria for kindergarten entry should be discussed.

What are the criteria for kindergarten readiness?

Firstly, that a child learns to get along with other children in a larger group without an adult constantly being on hand to intervene or provide support. The children have to learn to deal with things themselves. Secondly: the ability to fit into this group. Learning to wait. To accept that you have to do something other than what you want to do. Thirdly: a certain degree of independence. I keep hearing from kindergartens that the little ones find it difficult to zip up their jackets or put on their shoes. Getting dressed is important in kindergarten because the children often go outside. If the child can do these things reasonably well, it has a positive effect on their self-confidence.

Settling into a heterogeneous group is a big task for a child.

Some parents receive a leaflet when they enrol their child at nursery school telling them what their child should already be able to do. This unsettles many.

Yes, especially if the information sheet is understood as a kind of catalogue of demands. So it really depends on how you formulate such a document. I would also like to see kindergarten entry addressed not just at the time of registration, but much earlier; in the family, playgroup, daycare centre and also in paediatric practice. We know from research that the foundations for a positive start to kindergarten are laid much earlier.

How can parents help?

Such things can be practised consciously and playfully or the child can be instructed to do so. It's important that the child realises that mum or dad doesn't do everything for them. Of course, I know that skills such as getting dressed or brushing teeth are often required in hectic everyday life at precisely those moments when things have to be done quickly. That's exactly why you should practise this with your child on days off. You would be doing them a big favour.

What can parents do to help the child learn to adapt in a heterogeneous group?

Parents should raise their child in such a way that they learn to subordinate their needs at certain times. A child's needs should not always take centre stage. You should not always do what the child wants. Parents need to be aware that children from different backgrounds and cultures come together at kindergarten. Children who would otherwise never meet. What's more, there are many more children than in the daycare centre or playgroup, sometimes up to 20, sometimes even older children.

Some parents put their child back a year. What do you think?

When parents defer their child, they must take various factors into account. Firstly, a deferred child needs challenging care that is appropriate to their level in order to be stimulated so that they do not become bored. Secondly, it is problematic if parents put their child on hold simply because of their own needs, for example because childcare and family organisation are easier before the child starts kindergarten. Thirdly, it is critical when parents hold their child back because they say that the child should still be a child and that the serious side of life will come soon enough.

Why?

Because you never know how quickly children will develop. Sometimes they are ready to go to kindergarten after just three months. It is precisely at this age that children make enormous progress, sometimes within weeks. But now they have to wait a year. That is definitely too long for quite a few children.

Those who have problems when they start kindergarten have developed them much earlier.

Would you prefer flexible school enrolment?

I always emphasise that starting kindergarten should be as flexible as starting daycare. The child should be slowly acclimatised to kindergarten and supported, for example by an older child who acts as a godfather or godmother, shows them everything, helps them and stands by their side. A slow familiarisation phase would be very positive, especially for insecure or shy children.

Your Franz study states that children generally start kindergarten without any problems. However, 52 per cent of the children experience dissonance.

Anyone who has problems when they start kindergarten will have developed them much earlier. This is precisely why I am in favour of a more conscious approach and communicative work when it comes to kindergarten readiness. The biggest problems at kindergarten entry are of a social nature.

Can you explain that?

Shyness or fear of an older child, for example. Then there are children who push ahead or are rude, hitting, jostling or biting other children. Finally, there is also the excessive lack of independence caused by overprotection.

Give us an example.

The inability to look for a bag in the kindergarten, to take care of something or to tidy up.

Are there any other difficulties?

That children do not yet behave emotionally as would be expected of a four-year-old child. For example, that they don't stop screaming or crying, that they are inconsolable when they don't get something, roll around on the floor and are unresponsive. I call this emotional retardation, i.e. delayed emotional development.

I advocate developing good intuition. Then you can usually recognise where a child stands.

How else does this manifest itself?

Children can hardly wait until they get something and react with tantrums. Setting the table or emptying the letterbox? They have no desire to do that. They don't cope well with criticism and can hardly bear failure. Such behaviour is normal in toddlers, but a four to five-year-old child should have a certain degree of coping behaviour and be able to control some of their feelings.

How do I recognise that my child is emotionally delayed?

If it is not emotionally on the same level as others and reacts more childishly than would be expected. I'm not a psychologist, but I think it's relatively normal for an almost four-year-old child to react with dissatisfaction or anger. They still have to learn to wait. But you can expect this from a five-year-old. This information should be treated with caution: Children develop enormously and very differently at pre-school age.

Children are different.

Of course. There are different temperaments. A responsive, manageable and amiable child will certainly have an easier time in kindergarten than one who rebels, questions, is headstrong and doesn't listen.

What can families do in such a case?

Parents like recipes. But it would be wrong to give them these, because then they would start to judge their child by these standards. I advocate developing a good intuition. Then you can usually tell where a child stands.

How do these retardations develop?

Our data and other research show that appropriate behaviour develops slowly. Accordingly, behaviour should be tackled earlier, in the nursery, the playgroup, in the family or with the guardians.

And what can you do?

Never overreact. There are more and more intervention centres for difficult children. They are an expression of the extent to which parents are being forced to look at therapy. No wonder they then outsource everything and go to the emergency centre for every little thing. It would be better to have good counselling centres for parents with low-threshold services that don't turn a so-called difficult child into a stigmatised child. Because that is the great danger of our society: that we label children who have been in treatment in the long term.

Children who have learnt to wait are more successful later on.

What can parents do if their child is extremely shy?

There are many children with a very strong mother bond. They are almost unable to detach themselves from their mum. In such counselling settings, this could be addressed without parents having to feel that something is wrong with their child. Shyness is often something that is completely normal and grows out of it.

The schoolisation of kindergartens exacerbates this problem.

This is partly because early childhood education is so emphasised. In research, early childhood education refers to the development of all the senses, including emotional competence or self-competence, and not just intellectual skills. But in society and in politics, early education is exclusively understood as preparation for school. In other words, learning to read and do maths.

Many parents proudly say: "My kindergarten child can already read!

We live in a society that emphasises the early years. The economy also talks about human capital. The unwritten law is that children who are supported early are successful later on. In extremis, this leads to parents reacting with incomprehension when they hear that their child is cognitively well developed but lags behind emotionally. They are then of the opinion: But the most important thing is that they can already do maths and read!

This is fatal, because research today shows that success at school, at work and in life does not primarily depend on a high intelligence quotient and many early intervention courses, but also on the extent of emotional and social competence. Many parents are unaware of this connection.

How is performance created?

Children who have learnt to wait are more successful later on. What's more, every cognitive achievement at school is always a conglomerate of competences. Success at school or good grades are always based on a foundation that consists of the child's social, emotional and academic skills, which are supported and encouraged by the parents. If parents push their children, these skills will not develop as hoped. Parents need to let go more.

It is unpleasant to realise that the child does not belong to you and perhaps has characteristics that you did not want.

Isn't that the hardest part of parenting?

Absolutely. Looking in your own mirror hurts. Especially when the child has failures. Because every failure of the child is a failure of the parents - at least that's how they experience it. As a parent, you have to be very strong, stand behind your child, guide them a little and yet let go. It's difficult and the most unpleasant part of parenting: realising that the child you gave birth to doesn't belong to you and perhaps has characteristics that you didn't want. It was no different for me.

What do you mean?

I found our son very difficult. He constantly challenged me and confronted me with myself. I had to realise: You can't polish a child like a diamond. That rarely works.

You get used to the deficit view.

Yes, you look at the so-called difficult children from this angle much more quickly when you discover that they have a characteristic that you don't like. Then you just concentrate on that. How can I encourage a slow child to speed up? If you push them, they dawdle even more and, as expected, end up in tears. It would be so important to see and emphasise the child's many other positive qualities.

Praise for a characteristic is unnecessary. Only praise your child for what they do.

And to praise?

Praise is a double-edged sword. You should only praise the child for what they do or can do or what they have just overcome themselves to do, for example an effort. Praise for a characteristic, on the other hand, is unnecessary. This avoids the child becoming dependent on praise.

What is good for the child when it comes home after kindergarten?

Kindergarten is very demanding for children. The attendance times are high. Shuttling children back and forth between after-school care and kindergarten is an additional burden. Quite a few kindergarten children have problems with this in their first year. When kindergarten children have time off, they should be able to relax without a programme. The child should then be able to do what it wants: look at picture books, play, go out, romp around. No programme, no completion mode.

Free to play.

Exactly. I live in a neighbourhood with lots of children and see how often the kids play outside. That's the case until almost senior school. That's exemplary. Children would play for a very long time if they were allowed to.

You are a vehement advocate of free play.

Absolutely. Free play is of great importance throughout life, it is enormously important for relaxation. But unfortunately it doesn't fit into our goal-orientated adult world, where time is a precious commodity. I think that's a great pity.