«When fears restrict children, parents should act»
Mrs Meier, I was very shy and anxious as a child, I never wanted to be without my mum and going to school was a big struggle for me. It was almost a struggle. Does that sound normal to you?
This depends on the age up to which such behaviour continues. Starting kindergarten and school in particular is a major developmental step. It is completely normal for children to struggle at times. However, if the anxiety does not diminish over time, parents should look into it.
What are typical fears at school age?
When children start school, toddler fears such as the «monster under the bed» or similar can arise. Separation anxiety is normal, as is social anxiety, such as fear of situations with other pupils. In addition, so-called phobias, i.e. an excessive fear of spiders or vomiting, for example. In teenage years, fears often revolve around injuries or illnesses, but also around social situations and issues relating to the environment or world events.
How should parents react to their children's fears?
Firstly, they should give the child the feeling that it is okay to be afraid. Fear is allowed. And then take a look: What is the child afraid of and how can we face it together?
Parents should take fears seriously, but motivate their child to overcome them.
For example, parents could say: «The dog is quite big. I understand that you get scared. Let's just walk past him together and see how it feels, okay?» Parents could handle a situation that is dangerous in the eyes of the child in this or a similar way. Take the fear seriously, but motivate the child to overcome it.
What happens in the brain when you feel fear?
When I feel anxiety, it means that my brain has recognised a sensory impression from the environment as dangerous. The brain sounds the alarm. Stress hormones are released to prepare the body for fight or flight. This happens automatically and very quickly. At the same time, my cerebrum assesses whether the situation is really dangerous based on experience. If the all-clear is given, the fear response is stopped again. In the case of an anxiety disorder, those affected are no longer able to stop this fear response.
When are anxieties in children and adolescents no longer «normal»?
There is no clear definition. However, if the child cries a lot because of the anxiety, often has stomach aches or headaches as well as other physical reactions, withdraws more and more and shows avoidant behaviour, for example, no longer wants to go to school or take part in leisure activities, this is no longer «normal» anxiety. If the anxiety reaction is disproportionate to the actual threat and those affected experience the anxiety intensely both mentally and physically, this is referred to as an anxiety disorder or phobia. This affects around five to ten per cent of children and adolescents in Switzerland.
What would be a clear indication for you that parents should seek help?
If the child's quality of life deteriorates significantly and the anxiety severely restricts the child's everyday life, then parents should take action.
Fears are individual and depend on a child's temperament and life circumstances. Nevertheless, there are fears that typically occur at certain stages of development and disappear again after a certain period of time.
0 to 6 months In the first few months, babies are frightened by loud noises, for example.
6 to 9 months From around six months, strangeness begins. Babies start to cry when their closest carers move away or when someone else approaches them.
9 to 12 months At just under a year old, there may be an increased fear of separation and injury.
2 to 4 years In infancy, children are often afraid of imaginary figures, the dark and being alone.
6 to 12 years In this age range, fears mainly revolve around school, injury, illness and social situations.
13 to 18 years In adolescence, worries about sexuality, the environment and world events can also arise.
What contact points are there for those affected?
In any case, you can talk to your paediatrician. There are also counselling centres such as Pro Familia or Pro Juventute. If necessary, children and families can get therapeutic help from a child psychiatry or child psychology practice or specialist centre. I would always recommend that parents seek advice if they are unsure, sooner rather than later. This is because anxiety disorders can be treated very well if they are not yet chronic.
What can cause children to develop severe anxiety?
There is never one cause and there are always interactions between the child, family and environment. Some people are predisposed to react more strongly to stress than others. The environment also plays a significant role.
If you avoid the anxiety situation, the anxiety increases.
Anxious parents are more likely to have anxious children. An overprotective parenting style can also mean that children are less able to overcome anxiety because they don't get the chance to learn how to deal with it. And then there are additional stress factors such as the death or illness of a family member, the separation of parents, a move, a difficult class situation. All of these factors can favour the development of anxiety.
And how can parents specifically support children with anxiety disorders?
Parents should take the fear seriously and discuss with the child how they can practise coping with the situation anyway. They should encourage them that they trust them to manage it. Because if you avoid the anxiety situation, the anxiety increases. Parents should praise the child when they have succeeded and not criticise them when they have not. Parents can also strengthen the child's resources. This means encouraging the child to do what they are good at or enjoy doing, regardless of their fears. Perhaps they have great ideas for arts and crafts, enjoy horse riding, are good at gymnastics or take good care of their pet. This should definitely be encouraged and the child's self-confidence strengthened through praise and recognition.
