What should you do if your son's friend is surfing the net unfiltered?
How dangerous is porn for teenagers? A father and mother are worried because their son's 13-year-old friend has unfiltered access to the internet. This is what our team of experts says.
One question - three opinions
Our son's best friend, aged 13, has his own mobile phone and watches films on the internet that are unsuitable for his age. Our son told us about this and casually mentioned that his parents have no idea what their son is doing on the internet. We don't want to get involved, but we have a bad feeling. What would you advise us to do - keep quiet or speak up?
Hanna, 41, and Gustav, 46, Tenero TI
This is what our team of experts says:
Media consumption by children and young people is publicised in the media, schools provide information and it is a constant point of discussion between parents. Parents should therefore be informed that it is important to keep an eye on their children's media use. But this is not always successful. If you have a good relationship with your friend's parents and are concerned, raise the issue. This can also protect your son from being confronted with this content. At the same time, this is a good time to talk to your son about why not all content is suitable for every eye and ear.
I think it depends on your relationship with the parents of your son's friend. If you are friends and socialise often, it's easy to bring up the subject of the children's media use and casually drop that the boys are consuming inappropriate films. If you don't know the parents, I wouldn't get involved. However, I would have a serious conversation with the son. Not that you can keep him away from brutal or pornographic content, but open words signal an open mind and help him to categorise what he has seen. The trust is there, otherwise the son wouldn't have told you anything.
I understand your uneasy feeling. But the question is what kind of films they are. The fact that your son's best friend is «doing things on the internet» that his parents don't know about is a bit too vague a statement to intervene with his parents. At the very least, you should ask your son what he means by this. In short: I would be rather reluctant to intervene, because it's clear that 13-year-olds watch films (including porn) that their parents wouldn't be thrilled about if they knew. Does it make sense to embarrass your son's friend by bringing it up?
The team of experts:
- Annette Cina, 52, works at the Institute for Family Research and Counselling at the University of Freiburg. In her own practice, the psychologist, psychotherapist and mother of three counsels young people and adults. Her research focuses on the prevention of child behavioural disorders, couple conflicts, parenting and stress.
- Peter Schneider, 65, is a columnist, satirist, psychoanalyst, private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich and visiting professor for the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.
- Nicole Althaus, 54, is editor-in-chief of magazines and a member of the editorial board of «NZZ am Sonntag», columnist and author. She initiated and managed the mum blog on tagesanzeiger.ch and was editor-in-chief of «wir eltern». Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children aged 20 and 16.
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