What is respect and how do we practise it?

Do you know the film «The Dead Poets' Club», which caused a sensation 35 years ago? It is about a group of pupils at a conservative boys' boarding school in the US state of Vermont. The students' lives are decisively influenced when the charismatic English teacher John Keating (played by Robin Williams) enters their lives. Keating not only teaches his students literature, but also inspires them to organise their lives according to the motto «Carpe diem» - «Seize the day».

In the key scene, the pupils climb onto their desks and shout «O Captain! My captain!». This gesture symbolises their deep respect and appreciation for their teacher, who has inspired them to go their own way, pursue their dreams, think independently and critically challenge traditional social norms. It illustrates how genuine respect and appreciation can change people's lives and perspectives.

Respect for ourselves and others forms the core of our coexistence.

A basic human need

The word «respect» originally means «looking back, contemplation». The prefix «re» (again) and «specere» (to look) lead to an essential basic human need: to be seen. Respect for oneself and others forms the core of our coexistence and strengthens our mental health.

Respect is more than just politeness - it is the basis for true human connection and growth. Respect is a fundamental human attitude that expresses itself through appreciation, esteem and recognition towards other people, nature or institutions. This attitude is reflected in our behaviour and words by treating others with courtesy, tolerance and recognition.

Respect has a profound impact on social interaction and individual well-being. When people feel respected, this strengthens their self-esteem and promotes a positive self-image.

Respectful interactions create an environment of trust and security in which people can express themselves freely and develop. This leads to a harmonious and co-operative society in which conflicts can be resolved constructively. Respect also promotes social responsibility and commitment, as people who feel respected are more willing to work for the common good.

Respectful behaviour has become a rare commodity.

René Borbonus, communications expert

Two basic forms of respect

The specialist literature does not offer a standardised definition of the term «respect». However, the interdisciplinary Respect Research Group at the University of Hamburg distinguishes between two basic forms: horizontal and vertical respect.

• Horizontal respect means that all people are equally valued and recognised regardless of origin, rank or status. It is the foundation of democratic coexistence and is based on individual values and principles.
• Vertical respect , on the other hand, describes the recognition that someone receives for their expertise or special achievements. This form of respect is hierarchical and is expressed in social recognition, but cannot be learnt or demanded.

Time to ask a specialist. René Borbonus is an expert in respectful communication and a bestselling author. He uses the findings of the University of Hamburg to promote respectful behaviour in society with his academic staff.

Mr Borbonus, is respect a value or an attitude?

In my view, it is both. First and foremost, respect is a value. If I accept this value for myself, then an attitude arises from it. And this attitude gives rise to behaviour that can regulate harmonious coexistence.

Snide remarks, abuse, insults: Whether in politics, in companies or on the playground - the issue of respect is omnipresent. Why?

Because we are all feeling what it is like to have too little of it. The general irritability and the need to withdraw from discussions are clear signs of this. The harsh tone in debates, on social media, in schools, in politics and even among friends shows that respectful behaviour has become a scarce commodity. The multitude of conflicts and challenges are straining our relationships, fuelling selfishness and at the same time increasing the longing for politeness and appreciation.

Does the understanding of respect change with age?

My conviction is that the basic understanding of respect - namely the ability to recognise and acknowledge others, regardless of origin, profession or title - does not change over the course of a lifetime. What does change, however, is the way in which we experience and express respect.

Why do some people find it difficult to be respectful?

I think that most disrespectful behaviour is not deliberate. People are often inadvertently careless. Our interpersonal relationships are characterised by communication, and there are many factors that are necessary for a respectful exchange. Another reason for disrespect is our emotionality. When we become emotional, our ability to control ourselves is limited.

At such times, it is difficult to argue in a clever, calm and differentiated manner. Emotions make it difficult to maintain a respectful attitude. It also plays a role how respect has been modelled for us and what influence the media has on us.

What role does respect play in the modern education and development of children?

It is our job to teach a child in their early years what it means to respect themselves and others. I believe that empathy and listening carefully are essential components of respect that are often underestimated by us parents. If we want to empower children to act respectfully, empathy is key. This starts with trivialising our children's experiences. We often respond with sentences like «It's not that bad! You'll manage». Although this is well-intentioned, we don't really recognise the child's needs. Basically, this wiping away of feelings is already an act of disrespect.

Each of us can do something against hate speech, bullying or disinformation.

René Borbonus, communications expert

Two years ago, 7700 people were asked in a study by the Mercator Foundation Switzerland what children should take away from school for life. 78 per cent of all respondents answered: respect and tolerance. Achievement and discipline followed in second place. What do you think of this result?

In my view, the key to all skills is text comprehension. Without the ability to read, write and understand, I myself would not be able to expand my knowledge and insights. Reading and writing provide access to knowledge and insight, which is why they are my top priority. However, it would be important to supplement these learning units with humanistic educational elements such as respect and tolerance. However, I see no reason to question the entire school organisation because of this.

We are increasingly active in virtual space. How can we ensure respectful behaviour in social networks?

I believe that the virtual space is better than we often think. I also find myself portraying it in too bad a light. Basically, we have three main problems to contend with: hate speech, disinformation and conspiracy theories. These contribute to a harsher tone, virtual communication suffers and people are exposed to danger. What I would like to see is a re-cultivation of the virtual space, because it is a place that we inhabit and will continue to inhabit. Our children inform and orientate themselves there. It is therefore our task to keep a close eye on this space and not to withdraw when things get stressful.

Each of us can do something about hate speech, bullying or disinformation, even if it is unpleasant and we suffer setbacks in the process. In the past, adults used to intervene immediately when there were problems in youth clubs, for example. They took the people involved to one side and tried to solve the problem through communication. Nowadays, the virtual space is such a youth centre where our children spend a lot of time. We should therefore take it very seriously, intervene when necessary and teach our children to treat each other with respect.

What advice do you have for parents?

Participation and genuine interest are crucial. Visit these platforms and enter into an open dialogue with your child about their social activities. Listen carefully to your child in an empathetic way. Give them the feeling that you take their concerns seriously. Children need reassurance that they are not alone in the dangers that lurk in the virtual world. Be courageous and intervene to ensure respectful interaction in the digital universe.

Do you need self-respect to be able to respect others?

Yes, absolutely. I see respect as a universal art, similar to how Erich Fromm describes love. Fromm is convinced that the ability to love oneself is a prerequisite for being able to truly love others. It is similar with respect. Only those who respect themselves can create the basis for recognising others as equals. If there is a lack of self-respect, I believe that respectful behaviour towards others will be impaired. It is therefore important to strengthen our children's self-respect from an early age.

We all long for attention and appreciation. The current lack of respect can be felt in many areas of our lives. What starts at home continues in the classroom, in meeting rooms, on social media and ultimately in political debates. Disrespect leads to a loss of trust and makes it difficult to live together and develop at all levels.

Respect starts with ourselves. The way we respect ourselves shapes our attitude and promotes a culture of appreciation and equality.