This is how we teach children self-respect

Teaching children to be respectful is an important part of parenting for many of us . However, we sometimes overlook the fact that respectful behaviour is actually the second step. The first step? Treating yourself with dignity and respect.

Self-respect is a term that rarely crops up in everyday life, but is firmly linked to self-image. It plays a crucial role in how children grow into respectful personalities. If they learn to respect themselves, they can develop the ability to live a more respectful life together. As self-respect is not an innate talent, the question arises: how can it be fostered in children?

Self-respect begins in the family - regardless of the social situation in which a child grows up.

Respect grows with identity

For a long time, self-respect was considered part of self-esteem. More recent research shows that self-respect is an independent, stable concept with «superpowers» that develops in early childhood. While self-esteem can often be affected by external influences and other opinions, self-respect tends to remain unaffected and contributes to a positive, solid self-image.

Social psychologist and self-respect researcher Daniela Renger describes self-respect as the conviction of perceiving oneself as a person with equal rights, regardless of external influences or social expectations. It is therefore less about whether we like ourselves and more about whether we feel equal and recognised. The internalisation of our own equality is primarily shaped by our experiences.

When children learn to respect themselves, areas of the brain are stimulated that simultaneously promote positive emotions, self-esteem and empathy, thus enabling respectful behaviour. Disrespect, on the other hand, in the form of withdrawal of love or the feeling of helplessness and being left alone, mobilises the stress network, which not only prepares the body for fight or flight reactions, but also makes it more difficult to act in a respectful manner.

Being able to stand up for yourself

A persistent feeling of inadequacy can therefore not only affect well-being, but also increase susceptibility to mental illness. When children learn to organise their actions according to their own values and boundaries, they gain self-confidence and are better protected from unhealthy influences.

In her studies, Daniela Renger shows that self-esteem and the feeling of equality are strongly linked to how well people can stand up for themselves and represent their needs.

Take the time to listen to your child. Don't judge, don't suggest solutions - just listen and take them seriously.

Children who do not develop enough self-respect are more likely to seek recognition by conforming to the expectations of others or imitating them. They are more likely to develop into «yes-men» who actually mean «no» inside, which also increases the risk of being exploited. Clear inner boundaries and a belief in their own rights, on the other hand, enable children to maintain healthy relationships and shield themselves more effectively from social confrontations.

How education shapes self-respect

Self-respect begins in the family - regardless of the social situation in which children grow up. They learn to understand and believe in their own rights by observing and imitating their environment. The beginning of self-relations begins when children see themselves as interaction partners who are recognised and taken into account. This early bond strengthens trust and lays the foundation for self-esteem.

As they grow up, age-appropriate freedom for co-determination and self-determination increasingly supports the feeling of being seen as a person whose opinion is important. An understanding of social norms and values also grows with age. By promoting moral judgement and solution-oriented thinking, children increasingly perceive themselves as equals.

Instead of immediately offering solutions to challenges, it is helpful to ask children how they felt in a certain situation and what solution they themselves propose. This reinforces their own inner boundaries, which are in line with the associated values.

School, clubs and friends lead to new experiences in which unequal treatment or discrimination also play a role and which can undermine self-respect. Regular conversations about lived experiences, personal values and their meaning strengthen children in this crucial developmental phase. Drawing up a shared list of values and talking about how these can be lived out in everyday life is a good support.

Regardless of which method is chosen to promote self-respect, children should feel loved and recognised. This emotional security enables them to develop their own principles and initiate processes of self-reflection that nurture a self-respecting life.

Schools can promote self-respect, beyond grades

Young people spend a quarter of their waking hours at school. Here too, in addition to teaching learning content, personality development can be promoted through targeted programmes and an appreciative classroom climate.

A successful example can be seen in a 5th primary class in the city of Zurich. Here, self-respect is not just a concept, but daily practice. The teacher starts each morning with a simple but effective exercise. The pupils share with the class one thing that they respect about themselves, regardless of their grades or performance.

The class celebrates «Mistakes of the Week» every Friday, where volunteers share their mishaps and lessons learnt.

«I respect myself for encouraging my friend to take part in the school competition,» says ten-year-old Louis. «I respect myself for having the courage to say yesterday that I didn't understand the maths problems at all,» adds Emilia.

This ritual sets the mood for the day and reminds the schoolchildren that their value goes far beyond their academic achievements. Every Friday, the class celebrates «Mistakes of the Week» where volunteers share their mishaps and lessons learnt. This routine takes the horror out of failure and reinforces the idea that self-respect is not about perfection, but about growth and resilience.