«Then I'm afraid for my children»
Mark: «We've been a couple for five years and have been living under the same roof for two years. Fabienne's daughters live with us all the time, my girls are here once a week and three weekends a month.»
Lina: «Mum had been a single parent since the birth of Yara. With Mark, there was suddenly a man in our household. It took us a while to get to know him, but we quickly liked him. We have a great time with him.»
Fabienne: «When my children need something, they often call Mark before me. It's nice how their relationship has taken on a life of its own. My ex, who is more present in the children's lives again, is also good with Mark. It's just that someone is throwing a spanner in the works.»
Mark: «Six years ago, I moved out after a long struggle with myself. My ex-wife had affairs. She punished me, withheld the girls from me. She no longer does that, but she injects poison. The girls aren't even allowed to have a picture of me.»
Fabienne: «It was important to me that Mark's children felt comfortable here, I involved them and made time for them. After two years, I gave up. They are often disrespectful towards me or sabotage me: when I clean the mirror, they leave fingerprints on it. The older one sometimes treats me like a maid, slams her laundry down and says: "Mummy thinks Fabienne can do that.»
I have to distance myself, to a certain extent from my children too.
Mark, 42
Mark: «And comparisons are constantly being made: That they don't have to clean up at Mummy's, whose boyfriend allows luxurious holidays. That he earns a lot and drives an expensive car. Am I still counting? I wish I had a fraction of the appreciation from my children that I get from Fabienne's children.»
Fabienne: «You can't force people to do what you don't exemplify.»
Mark: «Yes, my ex is all about money and who has more of it. I try to convey that life is about more than status symbols, that it doesn't work if everyone is looking out for their own advantage. I often feel like a pilot flying blind. Then I'm afraid for my children. »
Fabienne: «I worked hard to be a carer for the two of them. Now I'm following my therapist's advice and see myself as a kind of after-school carer. I have to create distance. Until recently, Mark's ex sent the girls to us more often or for longer than agreed when it suited her. I said: Mark, you have to set boundaries.»
Mark: «If I was indisposed, I was told: Dad doesn't have time for you, he has a new family. But I often don't know what's true any more. The girls told me that Mummy had beaten them, they told her about Fabienne being mean to them. After a scandal, they admitted that they had lied to everyone. Their conflict of loyalty hurts me. Nevertheless, I have to distance myself from them to some extent. During the week, they now only come in the evening instead of the afternoon. I'm also in a conflict of loyalty: I love my children, but I also want to protect what I've built up with Fabienne.»
