«A war of the roses would have put me off»
Mirjam: «My ex and I split up when Joris was one and a half. When he was three, I met Patrick. Then things happened quickly: a year later Svea announced her arrival, we moved in together and three months later our daughter was born.»
Patrick: «I wasn't used to sharing my four walls. Then, from one day to the next, I had a family - and three dogs. That was an adjustment.»
Mirjam: «In the beginning, I made sure to organise myself so that Patrick didn't have to look after Joris. I thought: after all, he's my child. I no longer make this separation since Svea arrived. I see us as a holistic community.»
Patrick: «In the same way, I was always very reluctant to interfere in Joris' upbringing, for example when it came to putting forward my point of view or demanding things. With two children, it's unrealistic to stay out of one of them, they need a common framework.»
Mirjam: «Like other couples, we don't always agree on how to implement this. My parenting is needs-orientated, whereas Patrick's is less flexible and negotiable.»
Patrick: «Before Joris, I had no idea what children were like - I grew into a new world with him. That was enriching. Many people are put off by the idea of a new love that a child brings into the relationship because they fear problems. But it's worth being open and letting things sink in. I quickly realised that Mirjam and her ex-husband were on good terms. That was crucial for me. The prospect of getting involved in a war of the roses would have put me off.»
From one day to the next, I had a family - and three dogs.
Patrick Senn
Mirjam: «But you really have to want a relationship like that and jump over your own shadow to achieve it. Couples rarely live apart in peace. The background to a break-up is usually unpleasant. I, too, was tempted to operate with guilt and innocence, and was even encouraged to go against the grain. I reminded myself: it's about the child now. My ex also upheld this credo, so we got our act together and organised everything around Joris together.»
Patrick: «I think it's great how everyone focusses on the child and works together in his interests. I get on well with Mirjam's ex-husband. On Joris' last birthday, we set up the party benches together and his partner baked the cake. We celebrated Joris' last birthday together - with everyone who has joined his family in recent years.»
Mirjam: «Two years ago, he became a big brother twice over. The son of my ex-husband and his partner was born ten days before Svea.»
Patrick: «Joris was very affectionate with Svea right from the start. It's only when it comes to his toys that he can't take a joke.»
