Michèle, 35, and Reto Wipf, 42, run a farm with a direct-sales scheme in Marthalen, Zurich. The family has five children: Malea, 7, Kaja, 5, Amira, 4, Daria, 2, and baby Arno.
Reto: «We simply can't manage without clear rules. We run a farm that involves animal husbandry, direct sales, arable farming and several employees. Our working day starts early – sometimes as early as four in the morning. At the same time, we have five children, who have their own routines too. To make it all work, we need clear procedures and a shared approach from us as parents.»
For me, the two go hand in hand: clear rules and reliability. That's how you create the sense of security that children need.
Reto Wipf, father
We all agree that the children are our priority. But with seven of us, it's not possible to cater to everyone's needs in every situation. From a very young age, the children learn that they are part of a community and that compromise is part of that. Take mealtimes, for example: we eat whatever is put on the table. There's no arguing about it in our house.
«As parents, we set the boundaries»
It is also important to us that fundamental issues are not constantly being renegotiated. As parents, we set the framework. These guidelines provide the children with a sense of direction. If something applies today and everything is different again tomorrow, then that sense of security is lost. The same rules always apply – regardless of who is in charge at the time. Whether I put a child to bed or my wife does: the routine is always the same. This consistency makes things easier for the children because they know where they stand.
«As they get older, the way we interact naturally changes. With older children, it's more about having conversations. We try to explain why we want something and why certain things aren't possible. It's important to me that they reflect on their behaviour. For me, the two go hand in hand: clear rules and reliability. That's how, in my view, the sense of security that children need is created.»
United in values and principles
Michèle: ‘I grew up on a farm myself and was brought up in a similar way. We had clear rules at home too. That shaped me , and we've carried many of those traditions over into our own family today.’
I'm in charge of the children, the housework and the cooking in our family. I enjoy doing it and it makes me very happy. I get up early, get everything ready for the morning and look after the children throughout the day. We have set routines, for example in the morning or in the evening when it's time for bed. Although we each have our own areas of responsibility, Reto and I talk to each other a lot throughout the day. Reto always knows what's going on with the children, and vice versa. The whole family gets together for lunch.
With our eldest, we make sure she doesn't take on too much responsibility and is allowed to just be a child.
Michèle Wipf, mother
Reto and I are very much on the same page when it comes to our values and our approach. We never argue or have heated discussions in front of the children. We want them to realise that we take the same approach.
«If a child doesn't follow a rule, I stay firm. There are consequences, such as no TV for a while. After that, things usually go back to normal. At the same time, it's important to me that the children have their own space. With our eldest, for example, we make sure she doesn't take on too much responsibility and doesn't slip into a motherly role. She should be allowed to just be a child.»
