Authority: Our topic for June
And suddenly, a word that has long been frowned upon is making a comeback: authority. A relic from a time when discipline and order reigned supreme, when parents issued threats, teachers used corporal punishment, and children cowered. What lies behind this? Is it a longing for obedience and control – or a desire for more structure and guidance in parenting?
For the «Authority» feature, my colleague Julia Meyer-Hermann took an in-depth look at the topic of «parenting styles» – and visited Michael Scheurer's family. «For me, authority starts with treating people as equals,» says the father of two. «That doesn't mean there are no boundaries. But I try not just to impose them, but to find solutions together with my children.»
Does this sound familiar? You read a piece and feel like hanging it above your bed. That's exactly how I felt after reading the monthly interview with the renowned attachment researcher Karl Heinz Brisch. In it, he emphasises how important it is for young people to know: «My parents are there for me.» Young people need to be able to trust that they will always receive help when they are under pressure or in need.
If your teenager cries out for help, saying, «I've messed up, everything's a right mess, can you come and pick me up?», as a parent you shouldn't reply, «I told you so!», but simply go and pick them up without comment, comforting and supporting them as best you can. Even if your teenager's next party doesn't require an ambulance – during the teenage years, you should always expect the unexpected. No problem for you – you know what to do now.
«When our relationship fell apart at the end of 2022, I sat at my mother's kitchen table and cried.» This is how Alexander Krützfeldt's essay begins. The author, who is the father of two boys, vividly describes how he and his partner share the care of their children on a 50:50 basis. The so-called alternating custody arrangement is, he says, a gruelling ordeal that can wear you down.
These days, he's more sensitive when male friends try to tell him how exhausting family life is. He looks at them and thinks: «You really have no idea.» There are also things that make him incredibly happy, says Krützfeldt. The other day, his father said to him: «I find it incredible how you manage with the children. All on your own.» He was almost bursting with pride. You can read the essay here.
Kind regards,
Yours sincerely, Nik Niethammer
